Oh, Heavens!
It's nearly 1:30 in the morning, and I'm about to get to sleep. Now, it's not like this is exactly late. I have to say that because otherwise I feel like an old person. Though, truth be told, I am becoming an old person. :)
Anyways, 1:30 is late when the reason you are awake isn't because you were out having a fun time. It's late when the reason you are up is work. And, if you enjoyed the work you were doing, you are officially an old person. Because old people like to work. They're industrious, even.
But, me? I am not so industrious. I am the opposite of industrious. I am a person who wants to hide under my comfy, warm covers for just five more minutes, which will surely turn into two more hours. However...
I'm really liking my work lately. In fact, I might even be loving it. I want to research for it, make handouts for it, create interesting lesson plans for it. People, I made a PowerPoint. A PowerPoint. That is what I am doing up so late. I made a beautiful PowerPoint for my class tomorrow, and I'm so excited to show it to them. It's beautiful. It has pictures and inspiring quotes. I mean, inspiring quotes, people. I hate inspiring quotes. I mean, I super duper can't stand them. They just always seem so, I don't know, annoying and trite? But, I found some inspiring quotes, and I loved them. So I put them on my PowerPoint. I even thought about incorporating music, but I couldn't figure out what to play. Besides, that might be kind of, I don't know, stupid?
Anyways, my class is gearing up for their final essay of the semester, so I decided to make some adjustments to it. And that's what has me so excited about it. I've even started thinking of ways to create a class that's similar to what I'm doing with this final essay. It's kind of a Composition meets Service Learning kind of thing, and I'm just really excited to see what the students do with it.
Okay, now I'll really get to sleep.
Love you!
Sara
Friday, April 17, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Rebirth
Today is Easter, and I have to be honest. I don't mean that I have to be honest because it's Easter, though it does seem especially difficult to be dishonest on a day like Easter, a day when we are all so focused on that which is honest, on that which is Truth.
But, that's just it, really. I haven't been too focused. Specifically, I haven't been too focused on prayer, on reading my Bible, on much of anything that I feel like I should be focused on. As the days and weeks led up to Easter, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I wasn't really anxious with anticipation. I wasn't really much of anything.
Except that I was a bit of everything. I was sick. I was busy. I was working my two jobs. I was grading a giant stack of papers. I was battling a mountain of laundry. And if I'm going to be very, very honest, I was losing the battle with the laundry. In fact, I died on that mountain. I'll be wearing a cocktail dress to teach in tomorrow, because that's all that's clean.
And in all that busyness, I wasn't thinking too much about anything, well, spiritual.
But, Easter is a time of rebirth. Or, more specifically, it is a time of coming back from the dead. It is a time of remembering that Jesus, my God and my friend, overcame death.
And then He returned to us.
This year, for some reason, it occurred to me that the Easter story is truly strange. It's that last part that's strange. He returned to us. It's always seemed so normal before. Of course He returned. That's the way the story goes, every time, every year. Jesus returns.
But, as I was fighting the battle on laundry mountain, I started wondering why. It makes absolutely no sense that He would return. I mean, I'm sure that theologically it makes sense, fulfillment of prophecy and all of that, but it doesn't make rational sense that He would return to a world that killed Him. However, that He did return, despite the cruelty with which we treated Him and the callousness and hardness of heart which caused us to doubt Him, just speaks so clearly of the Truth that is the unchanging love of God. That "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, not only died for us, but returned to us. Returned to us because, despite the ugliness of our sin, He loves us. Because, in all times and all places--even now--God calls us to Himself.
So, I was thinking about Easter this evening, and I decided to read my Bible. It seemed like a good enough start. I turned to Philippians, which I so often do. Each time it's like meeting an old friend. Each time I read Philippians, I feel how much I've missed the encouragement that reading it brings. I've marked it up so much, but each time I read it, I find something that didn't stand out to me before, something that maybe I was meant to appreciate at a later time. Tonight was like that as well.
As Easter is a time of rebirth, I felt like it might also be a time that needs a prayer all its own. So, here is my prayer for this next year:
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Much love to each of you on this Blessed Easter,
Sara
But, that's just it, really. I haven't been too focused. Specifically, I haven't been too focused on prayer, on reading my Bible, on much of anything that I feel like I should be focused on. As the days and weeks led up to Easter, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I wasn't really anxious with anticipation. I wasn't really much of anything.
Except that I was a bit of everything. I was sick. I was busy. I was working my two jobs. I was grading a giant stack of papers. I was battling a mountain of laundry. And if I'm going to be very, very honest, I was losing the battle with the laundry. In fact, I died on that mountain. I'll be wearing a cocktail dress to teach in tomorrow, because that's all that's clean.
And in all that busyness, I wasn't thinking too much about anything, well, spiritual.
But, Easter is a time of rebirth. Or, more specifically, it is a time of coming back from the dead. It is a time of remembering that Jesus, my God and my friend, overcame death.
And then He returned to us.
This year, for some reason, it occurred to me that the Easter story is truly strange. It's that last part that's strange. He returned to us. It's always seemed so normal before. Of course He returned. That's the way the story goes, every time, every year. Jesus returns.
But, as I was fighting the battle on laundry mountain, I started wondering why. It makes absolutely no sense that He would return. I mean, I'm sure that theologically it makes sense, fulfillment of prophecy and all of that, but it doesn't make rational sense that He would return to a world that killed Him. However, that He did return, despite the cruelty with which we treated Him and the callousness and hardness of heart which caused us to doubt Him, just speaks so clearly of the Truth that is the unchanging love of God. That "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, not only died for us, but returned to us. Returned to us because, despite the ugliness of our sin, He loves us. Because, in all times and all places--even now--God calls us to Himself.
So, I was thinking about Easter this evening, and I decided to read my Bible. It seemed like a good enough start. I turned to Philippians, which I so often do. Each time it's like meeting an old friend. Each time I read Philippians, I feel how much I've missed the encouragement that reading it brings. I've marked it up so much, but each time I read it, I find something that didn't stand out to me before, something that maybe I was meant to appreciate at a later time. Tonight was like that as well.
As Easter is a time of rebirth, I felt like it might also be a time that needs a prayer all its own. So, here is my prayer for this next year:
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Much love to each of you on this Blessed Easter,
Sara
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Ugh-ness and Baseball Updates!
Today I spent all day in bed. Now, before you start thinking that I had some sort of wonderful, lazy Wednesday or that I lounged around while people brought me food or that all I did was watch movies...
Well, there was laziness, but it was mainly the kind of laziness that accompanies being sick and feeling ugh. And I have been feeling ugh. So ugh, in fact, that I didn't go to job number two today. I figured my co-workers and the sweet students I tutor would appreciate not getting whatever I have. Because whatever I have is not fun.
On a somewhat related note, for whatever reason, my students have been getting the most bizarre illnesses. Like, things that I didn't even know you could get. One had Scarlet Fever, and another just emailed to say he has Shingles. I mean, seriously? Where have they been that they've gotten these illnesses? And, more importantly, why do my students come to class when they're sick?
On a happier note, I went to the Cubs game on Tuesday, and it was wonderful. Cubs win. Fantastic. I wore my lucky hat and confirmed that the hat is lucky. Last night they won; tonight they didn't win. Last night I wore the hat; tonight I did not wear the hat. You may say, "Coincidence," but I know better than that. :)
Okay, I'm about to go to bed because I am sick and ugh. In fact, I am in bed as I type. So, perhaps I should say, I'm going to sleep now because I am sick and ugh. But, I've never been one to stress the details...
Loves!
Sara
Well, there was laziness, but it was mainly the kind of laziness that accompanies being sick and feeling ugh. And I have been feeling ugh. So ugh, in fact, that I didn't go to job number two today. I figured my co-workers and the sweet students I tutor would appreciate not getting whatever I have. Because whatever I have is not fun.
On a somewhat related note, for whatever reason, my students have been getting the most bizarre illnesses. Like, things that I didn't even know you could get. One had Scarlet Fever, and another just emailed to say he has Shingles. I mean, seriously? Where have they been that they've gotten these illnesses? And, more importantly, why do my students come to class when they're sick?
On a happier note, I went to the Cubs game on Tuesday, and it was wonderful. Cubs win. Fantastic. I wore my lucky hat and confirmed that the hat is lucky. Last night they won; tonight they didn't win. Last night I wore the hat; tonight I did not wear the hat. You may say, "Coincidence," but I know better than that. :)
Okay, I'm about to go to bed because I am sick and ugh. In fact, I am in bed as I type. So, perhaps I should say, I'm going to sleep now because I am sick and ugh. But, I've never been one to stress the details...
Loves!
Sara
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Some New Loves and a Plan
The Loves
As of late I have some new Internet loves. I'm not talking people, here. I'm talking Internet sites. Recently, I found a couple of sites that I think are pretty dadgum fantastic, so I thought I'd share them with my readers. Um, so I thought I'd share them with Greta, my reader. :)
So, here we go!
Okay, first of all, I love a good piece of introspective writing. I love it even more if the writer is contemplating life and death and all of those sorts of mysteries. I guess I just like to see how people confront those things that we all must, how they wrap their minds around all that is so difficult to understand. The other day I found Cases. It's a section of the New York TImes online, and it is absolutely amazing. I guess I should say that not all of the articles deal with life and death, but they are all related to the goings-on in the medical profession, and, as such, they all revolve around the more major decisions that people are faced with. Some of those are, in fact, issues of life and death. In any case, I could get sucked into reading quite a few of these at one sitting, and I just might have. :)
Second up. This one's a little weird. But, that's part of it's charm. Also part of it's charm? The fact that it's a blog. About food. A blog about food. What could be better? So what Am I talking about? Eat Like Me. It's a blog written by a dietician, and she talks about what she eats throughout the day. She also takes pictures of her meals. Weird, right? Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying that I'm on a bit of a health food kick lately. But, I really like this blog because it shows what eating healthy can look like for a real live person who lives a busy life. It's doable and even yummy looking. Trust me, the blog is pretty fun, and it can give you all sorts of good ideas for satisfying snacks and energy-upping meals.
Okay, not all of my new loves are confined to this here series of tubes. Some are in real life. Not too long ago, a new store opened up in town, and it is definitely one of my new loves. Village Foods is just about my favorite thing to come along in quite some time. It's kind of like a Whole Foods, but it's just a new local store. Small and friendly, Village Foods makes me want to shop for groceries and is quickly becoming the only store I'll go to. The benefit of this is that I'm eating healthier than I probably ever have, and I am truly loving it. Have I given up diet sodas? Not a chance, but I am making an effort to go organic and to support a local business. Oh, and Katy's little guy absolutely loves Village Foods!
The Plan
My plan for tomorrow? Baseball! Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Houston for the season opener at Minute Maid Park. I am really excited about it, though today I started to get a little cold which threatened to derail my excitement. Never fear, people. My excitement lives, and tomorrow I plan to be at Minute Maid, watching the Cubs beat the Astros!
Okay, that's a look at what's going on right now!
I love you all!
Sara
As of late I have some new Internet loves. I'm not talking people, here. I'm talking Internet sites. Recently, I found a couple of sites that I think are pretty dadgum fantastic, so I thought I'd share them with my readers. Um, so I thought I'd share them with Greta, my reader. :)
So, here we go!
Okay, first of all, I love a good piece of introspective writing. I love it even more if the writer is contemplating life and death and all of those sorts of mysteries. I guess I just like to see how people confront those things that we all must, how they wrap their minds around all that is so difficult to understand. The other day I found Cases. It's a section of the New York TImes online, and it is absolutely amazing. I guess I should say that not all of the articles deal with life and death, but they are all related to the goings-on in the medical profession, and, as such, they all revolve around the more major decisions that people are faced with. Some of those are, in fact, issues of life and death. In any case, I could get sucked into reading quite a few of these at one sitting, and I just might have. :)
Second up. This one's a little weird. But, that's part of it's charm. Also part of it's charm? The fact that it's a blog. About food. A blog about food. What could be better? So what Am I talking about? Eat Like Me. It's a blog written by a dietician, and she talks about what she eats throughout the day. She also takes pictures of her meals. Weird, right? Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying that I'm on a bit of a health food kick lately. But, I really like this blog because it shows what eating healthy can look like for a real live person who lives a busy life. It's doable and even yummy looking. Trust me, the blog is pretty fun, and it can give you all sorts of good ideas for satisfying snacks and energy-upping meals.
Okay, not all of my new loves are confined to this here series of tubes. Some are in real life. Not too long ago, a new store opened up in town, and it is definitely one of my new loves. Village Foods is just about my favorite thing to come along in quite some time. It's kind of like a Whole Foods, but it's just a new local store. Small and friendly, Village Foods makes me want to shop for groceries and is quickly becoming the only store I'll go to. The benefit of this is that I'm eating healthier than I probably ever have, and I am truly loving it. Have I given up diet sodas? Not a chance, but I am making an effort to go organic and to support a local business. Oh, and Katy's little guy absolutely loves Village Foods!
The Plan
My plan for tomorrow? Baseball! Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Houston for the season opener at Minute Maid Park. I am really excited about it, though today I started to get a little cold which threatened to derail my excitement. Never fear, people. My excitement lives, and tomorrow I plan to be at Minute Maid, watching the Cubs beat the Astros!
Okay, that's a look at what's going on right now!
I love you all!
Sara
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Catching Up!
Things have been really hectic and hurried since my return from Spring Break, but I do hate to let the old blog go unwritten upon. So, I thought I'd give a little list of some things that have been going on in my life. Here we go, peeps!
1. Since our trip, there has been overwhelming interest in the work that's going on in El Salvador. This is amazing to see. Most amazing (and exciting and thrilling and whatever else) is that some of the people who just got back from El Salvador want to go back this summer. To stay. To work. To get land cleared. This will be such a blessing for the building that needs to go on there. I am so anxious (in a really good way) to see how the summer plans work out and to see how much work can get done over the summer. And, it looks like I'll be heading to El Salvador a couple of times this summer. Awesome!
2. I had a bit of a breakthrough on the old dissertation front. I mean, "breakthrough" is kind of funny word to use. Perhaps, it's more appropriate to say, "Hey, I had a cool idea about what to write on. I'm really excited about it, and I think it's going to turn out well." I've found some previous research on my topic, but it doesn't look like it's a topic that's been overdone. Not sure yet how to frame it, but that will come. Oh, did I forget to mention what the topic is? :) All in good time!
3. There are two new little boys at the orphanage. They're brothers. Oh, folks, let me tell you. These two are the most amazingly sweet boys you could ever meet. And they are just beautiful. That's really the only way to describe them. Everything about them is beautiful. I was so happy to meet them. And the little brother sat on my lap for the whole bus ride to Cerro Verde. Oh, we had a field trip for the kids this trip. I will write more about this later, but I'll just say that it was great and that the kids loved it.
4. Teaching and tutoring are both going really well, though I am overwhelmed with work at the moment. At least I've learned that I somewhat like being busy!
5. Last night I went to dinner at Katy And Joe's. When I left, John insisted on going out to check my car out. He told me that I had a flat tire, so he fixed it for me. He even kicked the tires to make sure they were okay. It was super cute!
Love you!
Sara
1. Since our trip, there has been overwhelming interest in the work that's going on in El Salvador. This is amazing to see. Most amazing (and exciting and thrilling and whatever else) is that some of the people who just got back from El Salvador want to go back this summer. To stay. To work. To get land cleared. This will be such a blessing for the building that needs to go on there. I am so anxious (in a really good way) to see how the summer plans work out and to see how much work can get done over the summer. And, it looks like I'll be heading to El Salvador a couple of times this summer. Awesome!
2. I had a bit of a breakthrough on the old dissertation front. I mean, "breakthrough" is kind of funny word to use. Perhaps, it's more appropriate to say, "Hey, I had a cool idea about what to write on. I'm really excited about it, and I think it's going to turn out well." I've found some previous research on my topic, but it doesn't look like it's a topic that's been overdone. Not sure yet how to frame it, but that will come. Oh, did I forget to mention what the topic is? :) All in good time!
3. There are two new little boys at the orphanage. They're brothers. Oh, folks, let me tell you. These two are the most amazingly sweet boys you could ever meet. And they are just beautiful. That's really the only way to describe them. Everything about them is beautiful. I was so happy to meet them. And the little brother sat on my lap for the whole bus ride to Cerro Verde. Oh, we had a field trip for the kids this trip. I will write more about this later, but I'll just say that it was great and that the kids loved it.
4. Teaching and tutoring are both going really well, though I am overwhelmed with work at the moment. At least I've learned that I somewhat like being busy!
5. Last night I went to dinner at Katy And Joe's. When I left, John insisted on going out to check my car out. He told me that I had a flat tire, so he fixed it for me. He even kicked the tires to make sure they were okay. It was super cute!
Love you!
Sara
Monday, March 23, 2009
I'm Back!
Well, I am officially back from El Salvador. The trip was really wonderful. I got to meet the new kids at the orphanage, eat pupusas, hike Cerro Verde, and just generally have a great time with our group and our friends in El Salvador. I survived a historical election and a bedbug infestation. Time will tell how the election will affect the country and if I will ever stop itching. ;)
One bonus of the trip was that I got to take a bump on my flight into El Salvador, which means that I'm over half way to paying for my next flight there! Or paying for the other traveling I'll be doing this summer...Oh, and that also meant that I flew first class on the way there. It was a struggle, but I made it work!
Okay, there are more stories to tell, but I'm still a little (or a lot) tired, so I'm heading off to bed!
Love!
Sara
One bonus of the trip was that I got to take a bump on my flight into El Salvador, which means that I'm over half way to paying for my next flight there! Or paying for the other traveling I'll be doing this summer...Oh, and that also meant that I flew first class on the way there. It was a struggle, but I made it work!
Okay, there are more stories to tell, but I'm still a little (or a lot) tired, so I'm heading off to bed!
Love!
Sara
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Spring Break!
Oh, how I love Spring Break. I think it might be my favorite time of year. Well, honestly, it might just be my favorite time of year because I really want a break, and (starting tomorrow) I get one!
Early tomorrow morning, I head off to El Salvador. Beautiful, mountainous, tropical El Salvador. Home of pupusas, volcanoes, and some of the sweetest children you will ever meet. If my tone doesn't imply it clearly enough, I am all kinds of excited about going to El Salvador.
And, while I'm totally excited about going, I do know that this is a bit of a dangerous time to be heading there. The national election takes place on Sunday, March 15, and this is a big election year. And, in a big election year, you never quite know what the outcome of the election will mean for safety. Anyways, feel free to pray for me while I'm there! And pray for the kids too; they are amazing.
Much love,
Sara
Early tomorrow morning, I head off to El Salvador. Beautiful, mountainous, tropical El Salvador. Home of pupusas, volcanoes, and some of the sweetest children you will ever meet. If my tone doesn't imply it clearly enough, I am all kinds of excited about going to El Salvador.
And, while I'm totally excited about going, I do know that this is a bit of a dangerous time to be heading there. The national election takes place on Sunday, March 15, and this is a big election year. And, in a big election year, you never quite know what the outcome of the election will mean for safety. Anyways, feel free to pray for me while I'm there! And pray for the kids too; they are amazing.
Much love,
Sara
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Maybe I don't want to grow up. Maybe that's okay.
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child" (1 Corinthians 13:11).
Honestly, I've never given much thought to this verse. It's always just seemed like part of the extra stuff that follows the really good verses about love. Those love verses are good stuff, even if we're all tired out from having heard them at every wedding we've ever been to. But I, with my all too finite knowledge of theology, have generally read the eleventh verse of this chapter as saying "Grow up, already!" I'm not much of a theologian.
There's got to be a more serious meaning, something far more profound and deep. I'm sure of it, even if I don't know it. That's faith, folks. ;)
Anyways, I was thinking of this verse just a bit ago, mainly because it got me thinking about the kind of faith and spirituality that children have. They have such a pure, unquestioning faith, and it's beautiful to see. It made me think that, though in many ways we do have to grow up and do have to put away the things of a child, perhaps the faith of a child is something we should fight our hardest to keep. Sometimes it feels as if we spend so much of our adult lives trying to recapture the depth of faith we had when we were small, as if it is that fullness of faith that we always long for. Maybe that is the one thing we should never put away, no matter how old we get.
Love,
Sara
[Side note: Seriously, folks, there's a lot of good stuff in the Bible, a lot of great stuff even. And there is tons of stuff about love. After all, God is love. So, if you're planning a wedding, be original. Don't go with Corinthians. Try Esther or Ruth. Scandalize the whole church and go with Song of Songs. :) Just, please no more 1 Corinthians 13. Props to Katy and Joe for choosing Hosea. And to Nicole and Anton, whose readings I can't remember, even if I remember so clearly thinking, "That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."]
Honestly, I've never given much thought to this verse. It's always just seemed like part of the extra stuff that follows the really good verses about love. Those love verses are good stuff, even if we're all tired out from having heard them at every wedding we've ever been to. But I, with my all too finite knowledge of theology, have generally read the eleventh verse of this chapter as saying "Grow up, already!" I'm not much of a theologian.
There's got to be a more serious meaning, something far more profound and deep. I'm sure of it, even if I don't know it. That's faith, folks. ;)
Anyways, I was thinking of this verse just a bit ago, mainly because it got me thinking about the kind of faith and spirituality that children have. They have such a pure, unquestioning faith, and it's beautiful to see. It made me think that, though in many ways we do have to grow up and do have to put away the things of a child, perhaps the faith of a child is something we should fight our hardest to keep. Sometimes it feels as if we spend so much of our adult lives trying to recapture the depth of faith we had when we were small, as if it is that fullness of faith that we always long for. Maybe that is the one thing we should never put away, no matter how old we get.
Love,
Sara
[Side note: Seriously, folks, there's a lot of good stuff in the Bible, a lot of great stuff even. And there is tons of stuff about love. After all, God is love. So, if you're planning a wedding, be original. Don't go with Corinthians. Try Esther or Ruth. Scandalize the whole church and go with Song of Songs. :) Just, please no more 1 Corinthians 13. Props to Katy and Joe for choosing Hosea. And to Nicole and Anton, whose readings I can't remember, even if I remember so clearly thinking, "That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."]
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Making Sense of Love
Sometimes I get emails from David, the orphanage director's son in El Salvador. David is 18, studying to be a lawyer. He's lived most of his life with the many children his father would find on the streets of El Salvador, children abandoned and with no other place to go. Children who find love with this family.
David always tells me that he is praying for me and my family, for my church. Each year we take presents to the kids in El Salvador. The other day, David asked me, "Do you know who sent my present? And who is helping to pay for my university? I just need to know for my prayers."
And, let me be honest. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to me, the kind of faith that David has, the kind of desire he has to pray for others.
Often I think of the children in El Salvador. Their faces come to me like snapshots. I see Saul before he goes to bed, wanting to hear a story. I see Vanessa washing clothes. I see Javier being silly because he's young and loves attention.
And sometimes the thought that comes to my head is, "So which one would you choose?"
And maybe now it seems like the thought going through my head is a good one. And maybe now it seems like I'm wondering which child I'd bring home if I could.
But that's not it.
Let me speak plainly.
Let me be practical.
Let me be sensible.
Abortion is illegal in El Salvador. And, let me also be honest; the legality or illegality of abortion is to me, even now, pretty much a non-issue. Though I believe strongly in legislation that protects and affirms the sanctity of life, I understand that illegality doesn't mean that abortions won't happen; in any work I do that is pro-life, my only real concern is that women and men know that they are loved, that they have other options, that they won't be judged, that they have a community that will care for them. Those things don't change, whether abortion is legal or illegal.
That said, abortion is illegal in El Salvador. El Salvador is the poorest country in Central America, and the number of children who are homeless, without parents, and abandoned is staggering. In Soyapango, children roam the streets at night--some in gangs, some on drugs, some prostituting.
A few years ago, it occurred to me that there was something lacking in the logic of pro-lifers who seemed unable to see a connection between the unavailability of abortion and the fact that there were so many unwanted and neglected children. Surely, they must understand that, were abortion legal and readily available, there might be some decrease in the number of homeless children, that there might be some movement toward every child being a wanted child.
But, this connection wasn't being made. And it didn't make sense.
If I was to be practical, I had to admit that there was something amiss in the logic of pro-lifers who didn't make that connection. Again, I'm just speaking plainly. I'm just being practical. I'm just being sensible. I, even a few years ago, would have admitted that I thought abortion wasn't a good thing. It's certainly not something that we want to happen. But, as I thought of this connection a few years ago, I had to think that sometimes good can come of even those things we think of as bad. Maybe there is such a thing as a necessary evil.
Fast forward a couple of years.
I'm making cookies and bread with David. Javier comes by to look sweetly at us and hope we'll be nice enough to give him a cookie. Vanessa is still washing the clothes and hanging some up to dry. Saul is asking for a story.
And, the thought goes around in my head again. So, just choose one. If quality of life is an issue, if poverty or ill health prevent that quality of life from being what it could be under better circumstances, if the option is no longer illegal but readily available. Then just choose one.
But, I can't. I can't because I know them. I can't because I love them. I can't because I now understand that our collective poverty is so much more if just one of those children is not here. I can't because, though it sometimes seems that there is so little love in the world, I know that, because of these children, there is so much more love than there would be without them. I can't because I have some hope that their love, so pure and unselfish, is the only kind of love that saves us. I can't because, in each of their faces, I see Christ.
And, it doesn't make sense. But it is love.
David always tells me that he is praying for me and my family, for my church. Each year we take presents to the kids in El Salvador. The other day, David asked me, "Do you know who sent my present? And who is helping to pay for my university? I just need to know for my prayers."
And, let me be honest. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to me, the kind of faith that David has, the kind of desire he has to pray for others.
Often I think of the children in El Salvador. Their faces come to me like snapshots. I see Saul before he goes to bed, wanting to hear a story. I see Vanessa washing clothes. I see Javier being silly because he's young and loves attention.
And sometimes the thought that comes to my head is, "So which one would you choose?"
And maybe now it seems like the thought going through my head is a good one. And maybe now it seems like I'm wondering which child I'd bring home if I could.
But that's not it.
Let me speak plainly.
Let me be practical.
Let me be sensible.
Abortion is illegal in El Salvador. And, let me also be honest; the legality or illegality of abortion is to me, even now, pretty much a non-issue. Though I believe strongly in legislation that protects and affirms the sanctity of life, I understand that illegality doesn't mean that abortions won't happen; in any work I do that is pro-life, my only real concern is that women and men know that they are loved, that they have other options, that they won't be judged, that they have a community that will care for them. Those things don't change, whether abortion is legal or illegal.
That said, abortion is illegal in El Salvador. El Salvador is the poorest country in Central America, and the number of children who are homeless, without parents, and abandoned is staggering. In Soyapango, children roam the streets at night--some in gangs, some on drugs, some prostituting.
A few years ago, it occurred to me that there was something lacking in the logic of pro-lifers who seemed unable to see a connection between the unavailability of abortion and the fact that there were so many unwanted and neglected children. Surely, they must understand that, were abortion legal and readily available, there might be some decrease in the number of homeless children, that there might be some movement toward every child being a wanted child.
But, this connection wasn't being made. And it didn't make sense.
If I was to be practical, I had to admit that there was something amiss in the logic of pro-lifers who didn't make that connection. Again, I'm just speaking plainly. I'm just being practical. I'm just being sensible. I, even a few years ago, would have admitted that I thought abortion wasn't a good thing. It's certainly not something that we want to happen. But, as I thought of this connection a few years ago, I had to think that sometimes good can come of even those things we think of as bad. Maybe there is such a thing as a necessary evil.
Fast forward a couple of years.
I'm making cookies and bread with David. Javier comes by to look sweetly at us and hope we'll be nice enough to give him a cookie. Vanessa is still washing the clothes and hanging some up to dry. Saul is asking for a story.
And, the thought goes around in my head again. So, just choose one. If quality of life is an issue, if poverty or ill health prevent that quality of life from being what it could be under better circumstances, if the option is no longer illegal but readily available. Then just choose one.
But, I can't. I can't because I know them. I can't because I love them. I can't because I now understand that our collective poverty is so much more if just one of those children is not here. I can't because, though it sometimes seems that there is so little love in the world, I know that, because of these children, there is so much more love than there would be without them. I can't because I have some hope that their love, so pure and unselfish, is the only kind of love that saves us. I can't because, in each of their faces, I see Christ.
And, it doesn't make sense. But it is love.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Continuation of a Theme
Sometimes, I find something so beautiful that I have nothing to say about it. So, all that is really important is that, the other day, I was thinking about what motivates people to help one another. Specifically, I was thinking about this responsibility to love as Christ loves. Anyways, I came across this poem, and it's beautiful. And I don't have much more to say.
I hope you love it.
Love,
Sara
"Christ Has No Body" by Teresa of Avila (1515–1582)
Christ has no body but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
Compassion on this world,
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,
Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world.
Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,
Yours are the eyes, you are his body.
Christ has no body now but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
compassion on this world.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours.
I hope you love it.
Love,
Sara
"Christ Has No Body" by Teresa of Avila (1515–1582)
Christ has no body but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
Compassion on this world,
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,
Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world.
Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,
Yours are the eyes, you are his body.
Christ has no body now but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
compassion on this world.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
More Thoughts on Love
If I am honest, I have to admit that I sometimes have a hard time sticking to religious practices. I can be lax about reading my Bible. I probably don't pray as much as I should. I spent most of my life to this point as a non-practicing Christian, so I never really developed those good habits when I was younger. But, really, most of my lack of following religious practices is owing to an inherent laziness. I mean, so long as I'm being honest, I might as well admit to my laziness.
But, oddly enough and despite my laziness, I think about God throughout much of my day. I remember reading somewhere that a relationship with God is something like a young man who is in love for the first time. Though he can't spend every moment with the object of his affection, when he finds a spare moment, his thoughts turn to her. I sort of loved that. I sort of thought it was beautiful.
Lately, in those moments, I've found myself thinking about the enormous love of God. I think of the selflessness of Christ, the unworthiness of us all to receive such love. And yet, well, and yet we do receive that love.
But, what amazes me most is that, in receiving that love of Christ, we are entrusted with the responsibility of showing that love to others. Maybe "responsibility" isn't the right word. "Responsibility" always sounds so forced. I'm responsible for doing all of those mundane tasks that I really don't want to do, like filling out forms for work or jumping through bureaucratic hoops.
It's not that sort of responsibility. To love is an opportunity. We have the opportunity to show Christ's love in a world where love is often hard to come by. Sometimes, I think of the verses from Matthew:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'[...]'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
It reminds me of Mother Teresa, speaking of the people she worked with in India. She said that, "Each one of them is Jesus in disguise." And, she once said, "I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord Himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?" It's as if, in so many ways throughout our lives, we are given these beautiful opportunities to care for others as we would care for Christ and, in turn, to be the face of Christ to those who so desperately need love. And, if we're really honest, we have to admit that each of us--no matter how smart or rich or beautiful--needs love, longs for it, would do almost anything to have it.
I guess it makes sense that my thoughts of late have revolved around God's love, as I'm realizing that there is no end to it. As I've been writing this, so many things come to my mind, so many ways that I am awed by the enormity of God's infinite love. So many ways that I am grateful that God has given me such a gift as this chance to show love to others. I could say much more, and I probably will on another day. But, right now I will probably go to bed. I may even say a prayer before I fall asleep. A prayer of thanks that God is good, that His love endures forever. Amen.
I love you all so much,
Sara
But, oddly enough and despite my laziness, I think about God throughout much of my day. I remember reading somewhere that a relationship with God is something like a young man who is in love for the first time. Though he can't spend every moment with the object of his affection, when he finds a spare moment, his thoughts turn to her. I sort of loved that. I sort of thought it was beautiful.
Lately, in those moments, I've found myself thinking about the enormous love of God. I think of the selflessness of Christ, the unworthiness of us all to receive such love. And yet, well, and yet we do receive that love.
But, what amazes me most is that, in receiving that love of Christ, we are entrusted with the responsibility of showing that love to others. Maybe "responsibility" isn't the right word. "Responsibility" always sounds so forced. I'm responsible for doing all of those mundane tasks that I really don't want to do, like filling out forms for work or jumping through bureaucratic hoops.
It's not that sort of responsibility. To love is an opportunity. We have the opportunity to show Christ's love in a world where love is often hard to come by. Sometimes, I think of the verses from Matthew:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'[...]'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
It reminds me of Mother Teresa, speaking of the people she worked with in India. She said that, "Each one of them is Jesus in disguise." And, she once said, "I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord Himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?" It's as if, in so many ways throughout our lives, we are given these beautiful opportunities to care for others as we would care for Christ and, in turn, to be the face of Christ to those who so desperately need love. And, if we're really honest, we have to admit that each of us--no matter how smart or rich or beautiful--needs love, longs for it, would do almost anything to have it.
I guess it makes sense that my thoughts of late have revolved around God's love, as I'm realizing that there is no end to it. As I've been writing this, so many things come to my mind, so many ways that I am awed by the enormity of God's infinite love. So many ways that I am grateful that God has given me such a gift as this chance to show love to others. I could say much more, and I probably will on another day. But, right now I will probably go to bed. I may even say a prayer before I fall asleep. A prayer of thanks that God is good, that His love endures forever. Amen.
I love you all so much,
Sara
Sunday, February 15, 2009
A Valentine for You
Valentine's Day is over. It always seems a little sad when those heart-shaped boxes of chocolates are moved to a big pile, shoved off to make room for the next holiday, reduced for quick sale. I know it's not popular to like Valentine's Day. It's commercial. It's fake. It's just plain silly.
But, I do love Valentine's Day. I love seeing people happy. I love that people take a day to be kind to each other. I love that people give each other flowers and that even little kids scrawl their names on little cards for each other. I love that there is one day when we hear the word "love" most everywhere we go.
My mom used to say that I was like my dad. Not given to too much emotion. Not one to cry too much, if at all. And, that's a pretty fair assessment. I don't like to cry. I don't like people to see me cry. I don't like people to ask me how I'm feeling. And when they do, I usually lie. There's a certain expression that I feel my face make whenever I'm about to cry. It's a serious, almost angry face.
I felt that earlier this evening when went to work out. Oddly enough, I'd been thinking about Valentine's Day, about why I like it so much. And I realized that I love Valentine's Day because, as a ridiculous idealist, it's how I want to see people treat each other. I love Valentine's Day because there's something so beautiful about its spirit, even if it's a bit tinged by commercialism.
And, I love it because, though I am an idealist, I've dealt with and seen a lot of very realistic heartache in my life, and there's something about Valentine's Day that gives me hope that we can love each other. Because when I think about some of the things I've seen and lived through, there is so much that I don't know how to fix.
I see her, struggling with the abuse brought on by a relative, the sister who took the bulk of the abuse. Sometimes during dinner she just stares off, and I know that she is somewhere very painful. I see him, killing himself with drugs, self-medicating and trying to overcome the demons in his heart and mind. Trying to find some sort of escape. Never sleeping and never eating. And I see the many students I've taught, young people who deal with unimaginable pain, but hide it so well under such bright, beautiful smiles.
I see all of that. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make any of it better. I don't know how to fix all of the hurts that I see, and I know that there are countless more hurts that I don't see.
So, all of this was going around in my head as I tried to make it through my usual workout. I felt the serious, angry face coming on. I felt something. Was that sweat? Was it a tear? Was it both?
There are times when even those of us who aren't prone to crying end up completely losing it. Perhaps it's my own fault. There was a time when I prayed that I would love others as Christ does, and it seems that those prayers have caught up with me. Love like that can hurt. And, even though there are so many hurts that I can't fix, I will keep trying. Keep loving. Keep making an effort to give love when I can.
Happy belated Valentine's Day, everyone. I love you all.
Oh, and as a Valentine, please enjoy this video. I loved it.
But, I do love Valentine's Day. I love seeing people happy. I love that people take a day to be kind to each other. I love that people give each other flowers and that even little kids scrawl their names on little cards for each other. I love that there is one day when we hear the word "love" most everywhere we go.
My mom used to say that I was like my dad. Not given to too much emotion. Not one to cry too much, if at all. And, that's a pretty fair assessment. I don't like to cry. I don't like people to see me cry. I don't like people to ask me how I'm feeling. And when they do, I usually lie. There's a certain expression that I feel my face make whenever I'm about to cry. It's a serious, almost angry face.
I felt that earlier this evening when went to work out. Oddly enough, I'd been thinking about Valentine's Day, about why I like it so much. And I realized that I love Valentine's Day because, as a ridiculous idealist, it's how I want to see people treat each other. I love Valentine's Day because there's something so beautiful about its spirit, even if it's a bit tinged by commercialism.
And, I love it because, though I am an idealist, I've dealt with and seen a lot of very realistic heartache in my life, and there's something about Valentine's Day that gives me hope that we can love each other. Because when I think about some of the things I've seen and lived through, there is so much that I don't know how to fix.
I see her, struggling with the abuse brought on by a relative, the sister who took the bulk of the abuse. Sometimes during dinner she just stares off, and I know that she is somewhere very painful. I see him, killing himself with drugs, self-medicating and trying to overcome the demons in his heart and mind. Trying to find some sort of escape. Never sleeping and never eating. And I see the many students I've taught, young people who deal with unimaginable pain, but hide it so well under such bright, beautiful smiles.
I see all of that. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make any of it better. I don't know how to fix all of the hurts that I see, and I know that there are countless more hurts that I don't see.
So, all of this was going around in my head as I tried to make it through my usual workout. I felt the serious, angry face coming on. I felt something. Was that sweat? Was it a tear? Was it both?
There are times when even those of us who aren't prone to crying end up completely losing it. Perhaps it's my own fault. There was a time when I prayed that I would love others as Christ does, and it seems that those prayers have caught up with me. Love like that can hurt. And, even though there are so many hurts that I can't fix, I will keep trying. Keep loving. Keep making an effort to give love when I can.
Happy belated Valentine's Day, everyone. I love you all.
Oh, and as a Valentine, please enjoy this video. I loved it.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
About Work and a Poem
Right now, Job #2 is pretty slow. Because it's the beginning of the semester, we really don't have too many students coming into the Writing Center, and, when we do, it's usually to ask really quick questions or do short sessions to look over their application essays. Those are a lot of fun because I get to learn about the students and just have a nice time of talking to them about what they want to major in, what they want to do with their lives, all those complicated but exciting conversations.
However, there is a lot of downtime right now, so we use that time to catch up on reading for our training sessions and to familiarize ourselves with the kinds of essays the students will be working on this semester. We're going to be seeing a lot of literature papers pretty soon, so we've been looking through the literature anthology to get acquainted with what the students might be reading.
I'm not going to lie. We often end up just reading poems aloud to one another or thinking about staging some of the plays and then deciding not to. Sometimes we read poems and then argue about them. But, the other day, I read this poem, and we were all just so moved by it. I didn't cry when I read it, but I wanted to. Anyways, I thought I'd share it.
Gwendolyn Brooks
"The Mother"
Abortions will not let you forget.
You remember the children you got that you did not get,
The damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,
The singers and workers that never handled the air.
You will never neglect or beat
Them, or silence or buy with a sweet.
You will never wind up the sucking-thumb
Or scuttle off ghosts that come.
You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.
I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed
children.
I have contracted. I have eased
My dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.
I have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seized
Your luck
And your lives from your unfinished reach,
If I stole your births and your names,
Your straight baby tears and your games,
Your stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches,
and your deaths,
If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.
Though why should I whine,
Whine that the crime was other than mine?--
Since anyhow you are dead.
Or rather, or instead,
You were never made.
But that too, I am afraid,
Is faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?
You were born, you had body, you died.
It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.
Believe me, I loved you all.
Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
All.
However, there is a lot of downtime right now, so we use that time to catch up on reading for our training sessions and to familiarize ourselves with the kinds of essays the students will be working on this semester. We're going to be seeing a lot of literature papers pretty soon, so we've been looking through the literature anthology to get acquainted with what the students might be reading.
I'm not going to lie. We often end up just reading poems aloud to one another or thinking about staging some of the plays and then deciding not to. Sometimes we read poems and then argue about them. But, the other day, I read this poem, and we were all just so moved by it. I didn't cry when I read it, but I wanted to. Anyways, I thought I'd share it.
Gwendolyn Brooks
"The Mother"
Abortions will not let you forget.
You remember the children you got that you did not get,
The damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,
The singers and workers that never handled the air.
You will never neglect or beat
Them, or silence or buy with a sweet.
You will never wind up the sucking-thumb
Or scuttle off ghosts that come.
You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.
I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed
children.
I have contracted. I have eased
My dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.
I have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seized
Your luck
And your lives from your unfinished reach,
If I stole your births and your names,
Your straight baby tears and your games,
Your stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches,
and your deaths,
If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.
Though why should I whine,
Whine that the crime was other than mine?--
Since anyhow you are dead.
Or rather, or instead,
You were never made.
But that too, I am afraid,
Is faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?
You were born, you had body, you died.
It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.
Believe me, I loved you all.
Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
All.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Greta
I am exhausted. I'm looking forward to finishing up my work and settling into my nice, cozy bed.
Today was a rough day.
It all started yesterday. Well, it really all started last night. For some reason, Greta started coughing last night. It wasn't just a little cough; it was a really deep cough. She would sleep and then wake up and cough. I hoped she'd be better by this morning, but she wasn't. The cough was still there, so we went to the doctor.
Well, the doctor (who was just incredibly sweet) took a look at Greta and couldn't really find anything the matter. But, she wanted to do X-rays to get a better idea of what was going on in little Greta. And then she said it. A cough like Greta has can be a sign of some really bad stuff.
Pneumonia, heart problems, Cancer.
Yeah, that last one really shook me up. I had to leave Greta there for the X-rays, and then I had to go to work. As I drove out of the parking lot, I just started crying. When I got to work (all cleaned up and not looking teary-eyed), I told my co-workers that Greta had to go to the doctor. One said that her dog had a similar cough and that it turned out to be Cancer.
Ugh. Tired, sad, grumpy, and still 5 hours of work to go!
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Greta is fine. She sleeping right next to me as I type this. She's a sweetie. And I'm so grateful that she's healthy. Now I need a good night's sleep! :)
Today was a rough day.
It all started yesterday. Well, it really all started last night. For some reason, Greta started coughing last night. It wasn't just a little cough; it was a really deep cough. She would sleep and then wake up and cough. I hoped she'd be better by this morning, but she wasn't. The cough was still there, so we went to the doctor.
Well, the doctor (who was just incredibly sweet) took a look at Greta and couldn't really find anything the matter. But, she wanted to do X-rays to get a better idea of what was going on in little Greta. And then she said it. A cough like Greta has can be a sign of some really bad stuff.
Pneumonia, heart problems, Cancer.
Yeah, that last one really shook me up. I had to leave Greta there for the X-rays, and then I had to go to work. As I drove out of the parking lot, I just started crying. When I got to work (all cleaned up and not looking teary-eyed), I told my co-workers that Greta had to go to the doctor. One said that her dog had a similar cough and that it turned out to be Cancer.
Ugh. Tired, sad, grumpy, and still 5 hours of work to go!
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Greta is fine. She sleeping right next to me as I type this. She's a sweetie. And I'm so grateful that she's healthy. Now I need a good night's sleep! :)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Simple Sandwich
Anyone who knows me well knows that I love a good chicken sandwich. In fact, my love of the chicken sandwich is probably the most boring thing about me because I will order one whenever I'm at a restaurant that has a good one. Like clockwork. Like dull, boring, predictable clockwork. It's been a favorite of mine since I was a kid and my family would go to dinner at Oxford Street. A friend of the family used to tease me about getting a chicken sandwich at a steakhouse, but, to me, the chicken sandwich was that tastiest thing I'd ever encountered. Well, that and the 500 Shirley Temples I'd order at dinner.
For me, a restaurant chicken sandwich should have the following:
Warm, not overly seasoned chicken breast
Melted cheese (preferably a white cheese)
Bacon
Lettuce
Occasionally Onions
And (the clincher) Mayonnaise
Put all of that on a tasty bun, and you have the perfect chicken sandwich. And if there are fries on the side, oh heavens! I just pepper my ketchup until it's almost completely black and then enjoy. Oh, how I love pepper and ketchup. If you've never had that combination, you're missing out. It's the only way to eat ketchup.
The problem with my favorite sandwich is that it's totally unhealthy. That, and I'd rather not spend a ton of money on eating at restaurants. Oh, and there is no more Oxford Street. Sadness.
So, I started making a yummy, simple sandwich the other day, and I love it. Here goes:
Toasted bread (I like it healthy, so whole grain)
Sliced chicken breast
A bit of Swiss cheese
And (Oh, heavens, this is the best part!) Smashed Avocado (I told you! Amazing!)
So, I started making that the other day, and I love it. It's simple and good. Today I opted to heat up the chicken and cheese so that it was all hot and melty. Yum!
I probably have no future as a cook, but this is a step in the right direction! ;)
For me, a restaurant chicken sandwich should have the following:
Warm, not overly seasoned chicken breast
Melted cheese (preferably a white cheese)
Bacon
Lettuce
Occasionally Onions
And (the clincher) Mayonnaise
Put all of that on a tasty bun, and you have the perfect chicken sandwich. And if there are fries on the side, oh heavens! I just pepper my ketchup until it's almost completely black and then enjoy. Oh, how I love pepper and ketchup. If you've never had that combination, you're missing out. It's the only way to eat ketchup.
The problem with my favorite sandwich is that it's totally unhealthy. That, and I'd rather not spend a ton of money on eating at restaurants. Oh, and there is no more Oxford Street. Sadness.
So, I started making a yummy, simple sandwich the other day, and I love it. Here goes:
Toasted bread (I like it healthy, so whole grain)
Sliced chicken breast
A bit of Swiss cheese
And (Oh, heavens, this is the best part!) Smashed Avocado (I told you! Amazing!)
So, I started making that the other day, and I love it. It's simple and good. Today I opted to heat up the chicken and cheese so that it was all hot and melty. Yum!
I probably have no future as a cook, but this is a step in the right direction! ;)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Journeys
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about spiritual journeys. I guess I'm always amazed at the paths that people take (or find themselves on) in their quests to find and know God.
But, I find myself even more amazed at the ways in which God meets people on their paths, the ways in which He provides for each of us who seek Him.
It's feels as if, along the path, God has always been there. And, when I look back on my path so far, I think of God saying to me,
"That feeling of emptiness, that sense of longing, that bit of sadness and ever-present wonder if there is something bigger than all of this? The feeling that you didn't even know what you were looking for? You were looking for Me."
And, then I just smile, grateful for a God who loves me enough to be that constant presence, calling me to Him.
But, I find myself even more amazed at the ways in which God meets people on their paths, the ways in which He provides for each of us who seek Him.
It's feels as if, along the path, God has always been there. And, when I look back on my path so far, I think of God saying to me,
"That feeling of emptiness, that sense of longing, that bit of sadness and ever-present wonder if there is something bigger than all of this? The feeling that you didn't even know what you were looking for? You were looking for Me."
And, then I just smile, grateful for a God who loves me enough to be that constant presence, calling me to Him.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Sunday Psalm
I have trouble picking favorites. If you listen to the radio with me, you'll hear me say, "Oh, that's my favorite song" more than once. They're not all my favorites, but it certainly seems that way sometimes.
I'm just as bad at naming a favorite Psalm. They're all beautiful. But, I always find myself going back to Psalm 62. It's one that you can just take in, enjoying the words and loving the hope they speak of. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Love,
Sara
Psalm 62
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God [a] ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah
9 Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.
10 Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.
11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.
I'm just as bad at naming a favorite Psalm. They're all beautiful. But, I always find myself going back to Psalm 62. It's one that you can just take in, enjoying the words and loving the hope they speak of. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Love,
Sara
Psalm 62
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God [a] ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah
9 Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.
10 Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.
11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Oh, the Break!
First, I must start by saying that I smell amazing, and my toes have never looked cuter. I'm not bragging because I have absolutely nothing to do with those things; they're only owing to a fantastic Christmas present of yummy smelling bath things and to my mom who treated me to a wonderful pedicure at this new place.
I wish I knew the name of the place because the people who work there are so very sweet and do such a great job. Seriously, this is the best pedicure I've ever had, and the price is really reasonable. I actually pretty much hate having pedicures, and I almost never do it because it's too pricey and because I figure I can make my toes look pretty decent on my own. But, for the occasional splurge, I'd definitely go back to this place.
I guess all of that silliness is to say that my Christmas break has been pretty nice (and, currently, nice smelling). There have been fun things to do, family to see, cookies and assorted treats to bake, and an all-around good time to be had. I especially loved the annual family sing along, even if we didn't get to sing all the verses of my favorite songs. :)
Nevertheless, it was a great time, and I'm looking forward to the rest of my break and to seeing just how long I stick to my resolutions. There's this pesky one about being organized and creating some sort of schedule. Um, feel free to take bets on that one. Odds are against me, but I'm going to prove the odds makers all wrong.
Love,
Sara
PS: I've been listening to Emiliana Torrini a bit lately. She has, perhaps, the sweetest voice ever, and, though I haven't listened to a ton of her stuff, I'd recommend checking her out.
I wish I knew the name of the place because the people who work there are so very sweet and do such a great job. Seriously, this is the best pedicure I've ever had, and the price is really reasonable. I actually pretty much hate having pedicures, and I almost never do it because it's too pricey and because I figure I can make my toes look pretty decent on my own. But, for the occasional splurge, I'd definitely go back to this place.
I guess all of that silliness is to say that my Christmas break has been pretty nice (and, currently, nice smelling). There have been fun things to do, family to see, cookies and assorted treats to bake, and an all-around good time to be had. I especially loved the annual family sing along, even if we didn't get to sing all the verses of my favorite songs. :)
Nevertheless, it was a great time, and I'm looking forward to the rest of my break and to seeing just how long I stick to my resolutions. There's this pesky one about being organized and creating some sort of schedule. Um, feel free to take bets on that one. Odds are against me, but I'm going to prove the odds makers all wrong.
Love,
Sara
PS: I've been listening to Emiliana Torrini a bit lately. She has, perhaps, the sweetest voice ever, and, though I haven't listened to a ton of her stuff, I'd recommend checking her out.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
The Future is Island Chains
Lately, I've been on a music kick. I've been finding a lot of new music and rediscovering a lot of old music that I hadn't listened to for some time but still really love. It's always amazing to me the ways that certain songs will really just grab my attention, force me to listen, make me think about what's going on in the lyrics or just really feel the way the music sounds.
There are some songs that I come back to again and again, and there are other songs that I never listen too, not because I don't like them anymore or because I've grown tired of them but because there's something in them that's just too personal or too sad. An example. I can't listen to Elliott Smith for just that reason. There's just something too sad in his voice, something too melancholy.
And, I guess this has me thinking that there are reasons why certain songs affect us in certain ways. Isn't it that there's something in the song that speaks to something in us? It isn't just those abstract ideas of love or loss that we find appealing or moving; it's that we feel or have felt those things. It's that there is something inside of us that resonates with the song because, in some way, we know those feelings.
It's just kind of a reminder that, even in something that may seem solitary (like listening to music alone), I'm sort of not alone. I kind of like this idea.
I guess I like this idea because I've never been someone who easily relates to people. I know that sounds just awful. It's really not so bad; I just mean that I often try to go it alone. I don't want help. But, if there's anything that I've learned over the last few years, it's that going it alone just isn't an option. I need, we all need, people around us to help us grow, to share our lives with, to love and be loved by.
I think nothing has taught me this more than growing in faith. I look back on my spiritual journey to this point, and I see so much of it as a path I walked alone. I see myself sitting alone on a pew at a church where I knew nobody, taking in the sermon and enjoying this singing but being sort of an island with nothing and nobody touching me. But, in the words of Jon Bon Jovi, "No man is an island." It applies to women too, and it especially applies to spirituality. Now I just see so much the difficulty of growing in a faith alone. It seems that, as much as I love the idea of running off and being a contemplative living a cloistered existence, there's just no way to grow that way. There's just no way to understand how faith looks lived in the lives of other believers and how their experiences can inform my own spiritual growth.
So, perhaps I'll always be a bit of an island; only children are a bit that way. But, I'm moving toward the idea of the island chain. It seems the island chain really must be the future if all of us individuals are to amount to anything together as one unified Body.
[Note: If you can name the movie I stole from in this post, I'll buy you a cup of coffee. I promise I only stole a small bit, just because that one line makes me smile.]
[Note Part Two: I've got a ton of good music recommendations, if anyone is interested. First off, I have to say that Horse Feathers is a great band, and "Curs in the Weeds" is one of my new favorite songs.]
Love,
Sara
There are some songs that I come back to again and again, and there are other songs that I never listen too, not because I don't like them anymore or because I've grown tired of them but because there's something in them that's just too personal or too sad. An example. I can't listen to Elliott Smith for just that reason. There's just something too sad in his voice, something too melancholy.
And, I guess this has me thinking that there are reasons why certain songs affect us in certain ways. Isn't it that there's something in the song that speaks to something in us? It isn't just those abstract ideas of love or loss that we find appealing or moving; it's that we feel or have felt those things. It's that there is something inside of us that resonates with the song because, in some way, we know those feelings.
It's just kind of a reminder that, even in something that may seem solitary (like listening to music alone), I'm sort of not alone. I kind of like this idea.
I guess I like this idea because I've never been someone who easily relates to people. I know that sounds just awful. It's really not so bad; I just mean that I often try to go it alone. I don't want help. But, if there's anything that I've learned over the last few years, it's that going it alone just isn't an option. I need, we all need, people around us to help us grow, to share our lives with, to love and be loved by.
I think nothing has taught me this more than growing in faith. I look back on my spiritual journey to this point, and I see so much of it as a path I walked alone. I see myself sitting alone on a pew at a church where I knew nobody, taking in the sermon and enjoying this singing but being sort of an island with nothing and nobody touching me. But, in the words of Jon Bon Jovi, "No man is an island." It applies to women too, and it especially applies to spirituality. Now I just see so much the difficulty of growing in a faith alone. It seems that, as much as I love the idea of running off and being a contemplative living a cloistered existence, there's just no way to grow that way. There's just no way to understand how faith looks lived in the lives of other believers and how their experiences can inform my own spiritual growth.
So, perhaps I'll always be a bit of an island; only children are a bit that way. But, I'm moving toward the idea of the island chain. It seems the island chain really must be the future if all of us individuals are to amount to anything together as one unified Body.
[Note: If you can name the movie I stole from in this post, I'll buy you a cup of coffee. I promise I only stole a small bit, just because that one line makes me smile.]
[Note Part Two: I've got a ton of good music recommendations, if anyone is interested. First off, I have to say that Horse Feathers is a great band, and "Curs in the Weeds" is one of my new favorite songs.]
Love,
Sara
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Prayer
The other day I was praying, thinking about the season and all that it means. For some reason, I started thinking about Mary. Perhaps it's because I've been listening to a mix of Christmas songs that I made, and one of the songs is "Breath of Heaven," a beautifully moving song that's sung from Mary's point of view.
It's one of my favorite songs, and I love it precisely because it makes me think of how difficult it must have been to be Mary, to feel worthy of all that she was called to, to understand how to carry and mother the baby who was God incarnate. And, when I listen to that song, I think of how I often feel as she must have felt because, in some ways, we're all called to carry Christ. I'm called to do that, unworthy as I often feel.
And yet, the other day as I was praying, I thought beyond those feelings of unworthiness to focus on how indescribable it must have felt for Mary to know who she was giving birth to. Obviously, I've never given birth, but I tried to think about what that must have been like to know how close she was to God.
I sort of marveled at it for a moment. I tried to picture it. Tried to grasp the enormity of that moment. And then I realized that, along with those feelings of doubt and uncertainty, there is also a great feeling of peace, of love and joy, that comes with a closeness to God. And, though I cannot know the feeling of the exact kind of relationship that Mary had to Christ, there is something so beautiful, so truly wonderful about the connection to Christ through prayer.
Love,
Sara
It's one of my favorite songs, and I love it precisely because it makes me think of how difficult it must have been to be Mary, to feel worthy of all that she was called to, to understand how to carry and mother the baby who was God incarnate. And, when I listen to that song, I think of how I often feel as she must have felt because, in some ways, we're all called to carry Christ. I'm called to do that, unworthy as I often feel.
And yet, the other day as I was praying, I thought beyond those feelings of unworthiness to focus on how indescribable it must have felt for Mary to know who she was giving birth to. Obviously, I've never given birth, but I tried to think about what that must have been like to know how close she was to God.
I sort of marveled at it for a moment. I tried to picture it. Tried to grasp the enormity of that moment. And then I realized that, along with those feelings of doubt and uncertainty, there is also a great feeling of peace, of love and joy, that comes with a closeness to God. And, though I cannot know the feeling of the exact kind of relationship that Mary had to Christ, there is something so beautiful, so truly wonderful about the connection to Christ through prayer.
Love,
Sara
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)