How Big is My God?

Recently I went to a planning meeting for a fundraiser. The fundraiser is for the pregnancy center that I volunteer at. I, obviously, think it's a wonderful cause. They do so much work there, not only to provide clothes and nutrition and guidance to mothers who are facing struggles during pregnancy, but also to really show God's love and grace.

I hadn't considered how important that whole "God's love and grace" part is, but, it's one of the most important parts of their work. I started thinking about this just a while ago, as I remembered something one of the women said at the meeting.

She was talking about the need for funding. The cost for running such an operation is pretty high, and they hope to add ultrasound to their services, adding even more to the expenses. Well, the woman said that we all need to work diligently to raise funds but that we also have to rely on God. And then she said something about how big God is, and I just wondered if we ever really understand how big that really is?

I mean, how can we wrap our heads around that? How can we begin to comprehend something so outside of our understanding?

I guess what got me thinking about this, really, is that it seems that we have so many times when God seems so small. You know, we all have those times when we hurt so much, feel so terrible, struggle with physical and emotional and mental pains. And in those times, in those very dark times, it can feel like God is not big enough to shine a light into our darkness.

But, it made me wonder if those are the same times when we, feeling defeated by our surroundings or by the sad ruminations of our own brains, fail to see how big God really is. Do we assume that our God is not a big God? Do we, in our inability to see the possibility of God's light shining into our darkness, make God smaller than He really is? Do we forget that our God is the God who separated the light from the darkness, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all?

I think we do forget that. At least, I do. I was really feeling that way not too long ago, and it was pretty difficult, as it seemed like that feeling would not go away, as I felt like my God was not a God who could make me feel any better than I did right at that moment. And, quite frankly, how I felt at that moment was pretty awful.

Now, I don't write that to be maudlin or to engage in some pity party. Though, with a pint of Ben & Jerry's I could be persuaded to join anyone in a good old-fashioned pity party. Just name the time and place, and I'll be there. We can indulge each other in feeling sorry for ourselves. But that's not what I'm talking about right now.

What I'm talking about is not knowing how big God is. What I'm talking about is falling into a time of feeling like the circumstances of my life, like the awful way I felt, was bigger than my God.

The good news is, I didn't stay there. That's right. There was a giant flash of light, rainbows appeared overhead, glitter fell from the sky, and in that beautiful moment, I understood that God could make me feel better.

Okay, none of that happened. Somehow God never seems to work that way. For some reason, it seems like He wants us to work a little bit, like He wants us to try to have an actual relationship with Him in order to know Him better. And, when we know Him better, we start to understand just how big our God is. That's what happened for me.

I was reading a book, and it quoted Isaiah 43:10-12,

10 "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
"and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.

11 I, even I, am the LORD,
and apart from me there is no savior.

12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God."

I read that, and it spoke directly to me. All I could think was, "That is my God." And suddenly I thought of how big God is, how able He is to help me with any problems I have.

I think about that when I remember the people who have prayed for me and with me, when I think of all the people I've met who have spoken truth to me at just the right times, when I think of how perfectly timed everything is, when I think of how much God has provided for me.

It's not difficult to understand when I let myself be open to it, when I let myself accept the truth that my God is a God who will provide for all of my needs. That my God is a God who can provide for all of my needs.

My God is just that big.