Perhaps "confessing" is too strong a term for what I'm about to do here. Maybe I'm just making an observation about a habit of mine. And, maybe that habit of mine is a bad one. But, this habit of mine is not as bad as some other habits. It's much better than the habits some other people have, and it's even better than some other habits I have. In short, this habit isn't such a bad thing.
Well, now that I'm done justifying myself, I'll go ahead and talk about it. My habit is that I always look ahead and fail to see what's going on in the moment. Not so bad, right?
But, the thing is, I think it's a real problem. You see, I got to thinking about how many times I begin sentences with a phrase like, "As soon as I." Such as, "As soon as I feel more comfortable with my faith, I'll be more open about discussing it." Or, "As soon as I feel like a stronger Christian, I'll do more work at church or with some volunteer group."
Honestly, before I started volunteering at the pregnancy center, I had a lot of thoughts running around my head about how I needed to be more spiritual/religious/Jesusy/on fire. I thought I needed to know so many more things about, well, everything, and yet the women at the pregnancy center seemed to think that I would be a great fit there.
Seriously? Me? I kept thinking that until I knew all sorts of stuff or until I could be seen as a better example I just wasn't good enough to be the kind of person who could really reach people in the way that you need to reach people who come to a pregnancy center for help.
I wonder how many of us struggle with that same feeling. We feel that we must be whole and complete ourselves before we can help people in need. Or we feel that we must have it all together before we can reach out to others. After all, how can someone who doesn't have it all together really help anyone? I certainly don't understand how that person can be of any help.
The other day I was doing some reading for a Bible Study that I go to on Thursday nights. Part of the reading really spoke to me, and I wanted to share it with everyone. Here it is,
"The true reason you are on this earth may be different from what you once thought your purpose would be. The role you always thought you might fulfill may not be at all what God has actually asked you to do.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't still have certain roles, relationships, and opportunities ahead for you. It does mean that right where you are, God has a very specific purpose for you to fulfill."
How great is that? What I love about it is that it speaks to that need to always say, "As soon as I, " and it just lets you know that, no, right now God has a very specific purpose for you. It's true that God wants to see us grow, for us to seek Him, for us to try to discern His purpose for our lives. However, I don't think that He means for us to lose sight of how He can use us just as we are. I don't think He means for us to lose sight of all that is around us, of all the people who need to be helped and loved and listened to just because we are still waiting for our lives to completely change.
In fact, sometimes it is in reaching out, in seeking ways to help others, that our lives really do start to change, that God really begins to minister to those parts of us that are still hurting, still crushed, still in need of a loving God to bind them up. Sometimes it is in those times when we stop listening to our own protests and start listening to God that we finally see what we are meant to be doing, who we are meant to be. So now I'm trying to follow the example from Isaiah 6:8 and always remember to respond when I am called, despite my own worries and feelings of inadequacy. As it says,
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"
And perhaps, when I make that my focus, I'll stop saying, "As soon as I" and start saying, "As soon as He."
3 comments:
Oooh! The age old question "What is my purpose?" It seems that one comes just before the statement, "But that's not what I planned or want to do!" The singer/songwriter Karen Fisher has a song about that called "Either Way" that came about from her frustration as to where God was leading her with her music. You can hear some of Karen's songs at http://www.indieheaven.com/artist_main.php?id=51156
And this is also where I want easy answers really fast! I just hate waiting! Oh well...I suppose there are things worse than waiting, like going really quickly in the wrong direction. That's never a good move!
Thanks for the song recommendation. I'll check it out!
Whenever I hear someone mention something along the lines of "going quickly in the wrong direction" I think back to a college physics professor I had and a lecture he did on vectors. In his lecture he pointed out that a vector has both a direction and a speed. To explain the importance of each, he related a story of a time when he was doing research in the Arctic Ocean. He was onboard a ship going to a very specific part of the ocean (direction) and since time is money they were trying to get there as quickly as possible (speed). Unfortunately, the rudder control on the ship broke and the only way they could steer was by varying the speed and direction on the two propellors. They were able to maintain the direction, but it was slow going. After several days they found themselves completely iced in and they couldn't go at all. They called for help and soon an ice breaker ship made it to them and began breaking a path out of the ice flow through which they could follow to the safety of open water where they could then be towed to a place where the ship could be repaired.
My professor saw that the heading they were on was not the right direction to get to the spot in the ocean where he was to do his research. He called out to the ship's captain, "We're going in the wrong direction!" To which the captain replied, "Aye, but we're making great speed!"
In my professor's perspective they were going really quickly in the wrong direction. In the ship captain's mind they were going really quickly out of the dangerous ice. Just a detour until they could go in the right direction again.
It's a long story to get to the point that it may seem like the wrong direction to us, but in God's perspective (and what I think Karen Fisher's song is about) either way will be o.k. because it is inevitable that the path will lead to Him. The "wrong way" may be a little more painful for us, but sooner or later we will be in His presence. "Every knee will bow ... and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
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