Keeping It Real

I really don't like talking about the deep, personal stuff in my life. You know, I normally figure that people should keep that sort of stuff to themselves. If anyone really wanted to know those sorts of things about someone, they'd ask. And, well, who on earth thinks to ask the kind of questions that open up that sort of can of worms?

So, I'm brought back to the idea that people should keep those deep, personal thoughts to themselves. Except that sometimes it's good to let it out. Sometimes when someone tells you something about him or herself, you kind of identify with them a little bit more. Maybe you see that they're more like you than you had originally thought, or maybe you find out that those things that make them different from you are some of the best things about them. Or maybe you see that there's someone else who has the same struggles you have, and just knowing that makes you feel a little less alone.

Well, in the spirit of sharing, I think I'll give it a go and tell you all some personal stuff about me, one thing in particular.

I have a totally dysfunctional relationship in my life. That's right. A completely dysfunctional relationship. And it's been a part of my life for a very long time. You might be wondering who this relationship is with. Well, it's very close to me, this dysfunctional relationship. It lives right here in my house, and it's not Greta.

This relationship is with my bathroom scale. I'm being serious here. Very serious, in fact. A bad morning with this scale can cause my whole day to be rotten. I think about it often, concentrating on ways to make the scale love me just a little more.

And yet, our relationship is still bad. Still dysfunctional.

I was talking about weight with a friend tonight, specifically talking about how upset it makes me that I have gained weight recently. It's especially upsetting because I had worked very hard to get in shape, and now I feel as if I'm back where I started. Much worse, I feel like I look like I'm just back where I started. Annoying.

But, when I told my friend how troubling this was to me, he said, "But you're happier now."

I have to admit that I hadn't really thought of it like that. I mean, I've gained weight, and that doesn't exactly make me happy. Not at all, really. It makes me the opposite of happy.

But, I'm happier. He was right. It got me thinking about how we judge happiness, how we sometimes focus on one area of unhappiness and use that as a scale of our general state of being. It's easy to do that when that one area of unhappiness plays a big role in our lives. And, as I'm guessing you can see, the relationship with my scale plays no small part in my life. And yet, it is not my whole life. It is just one part.

However, I was feeling as if it was what defined my happiness and failing to see all the good in my life. Failing to acknowledge that, despite the annoying weight gain, I've been learning so much about faith and God and life that I can't help but be happier. Perhaps this failure to see the good is what happens when we put things before God, when we look to circumstances to define ourselves, rather than acknowledging the truth that we are defined through our relationship with the One who gave us life, the One who gave us the opportunity to experience happiness and the One who gives us the strength to meet the difficulties that we all must endure.

Perhaps my prayer should be that I remember where my happiness comes from. And, I guess it wouldn't hurt to say those prayers while I go out for a run. After all, the God of my life also gave me the ability to run, and it might be good to take advantage of that gift while I can.