Panic! At the Movies

I hate hipsters.

I know that sounds both weird and hateful. How could it sound other than hateful, what with the word "hate" right there and all? Allow me to clarify. Maybe some background could be helpful?

Okay. So I went to see The Last Kiss. I had a terrible reaction to it. No, there were no hives involved, no swollen glands, no odd or mysterious rashes of any kind. And, for that, I'm pretty thankful.

What was there was a near panic attack/depression as I flashed forward to the next few years of my life and saw an endless string of commitment-phobic, mousy, uninteresting men who all had better hair than me. I admit that I'm not perfect. But, just grant me a few minutes of panic attack, okay?

So, that was my fear. My shuddering, heart-palpitating fear (with added bonus of sweaty palms, gross). And, let's be honest, I'm not going to be attracting men of any ilk when I'm all sweaty and looking like I'm about to burst into tears and/or go hide under a table for the next few years, so what am I really worried about? I mean, even Mister "and-don't-you-love-my-Urban-Outfitters-ensemble?" isn't coming near the freaky-panic-attack-chick. No way!

But, eventually, I moved out of being freaky-panic-attack-chick and into being just normal me. Except that now I have an almost Pavlovian response when I see a very hipster-esque male, which results in my screaming, "I hate you hate you hate you!" anytime I spot one. Um, I did mention that I do that in my head, right? Right. I mean, I'm not really crazy. It's just in my head...Oh that didn't help clear up matters AT ALL. Perhaps the fact that I majored in English helps? We're a little weird (and a lot passive aggressive).

So, anyways, I'm trying to work through this, trying to think back on the good old days of men in movies. You know, when they were really good guys? When they were handsome and dashing, dashing and handsome. Hell, when they were Billy Crystal and just funny and charming. Whatever happened to funny and charming? I liked funny and charming. I could date funny and charming.

But personality-less hipster? No thanks. I hate you hate you hate you!

[Editor's Note: I really bear no ill feelings toward hipsters. In fact, some of my best friends are hipsters (scenesters, even). I think I just had a terrible reaction to Mr. Braff's character who had to have been the least likeable characters I've encountered in quite some time. Trust me, I still love the Urban Outfitters...and my uber-hip checkered Vans I bought there. :)]