All Things are New Again

There is something that I not-so-secretly loathe. Something that I put off until the bitter end. Something that I dread more than anything, even though it will probably be part of my life for who only knows how long.

Grading.

There. I said it. I hate grading. Not even dislike. I officially hate it. I hate its guts, even though it doesn't technically have any.

I know that seems like a lot of hostility to unleash on an inanimate object. I mean, what has a pile of essays ever done to me? Nothing, really.

So, why do I hate it so much? Well, I guess a lot of the hatred has to do with the mix of feelings I have going into grading. Thee are so many questions in my mind. Did I teach them enough? Was I clear about this part? Why did this student clearly get the assignment while this other one clearly did not? How long would it take for PapaDel's to deliver to Texas? Okay, that last one might have nothing to do with grading, other than the fact that a stuffed pizza with pepperoni and sausage would sure take some of the edge off the awfulness that is grading.

The truth is, I'm a weird perfectionist of sorts. I hold myself to all sorts of standards, and (if I don't measure up) I really don't feel like I have a right to judge the writing of someone else. And then there's the whole part of me that cares about these students, that doesn't want them to have to worry about bad grades, that actually worries about how they are feeling and how stressed they are. I mean, I've been there. I feel for them. And maybe I hate grading because I want to protect my students from the bad grades and even protect them from themselves.

But, for some odd reason, I've found myself enjoying grading over the past couple of days. I've been slower about it, actually forcing myself to take things more slowly. And, I've found that the slower pace is allowing me to enjoy grading more. I think that my attitude about grading is beginning to change and that I'm finding a way of grading that's more in line with my style of teaching and my actual attitudes about education.

I'm enjoying my students' words. I'm enjoying seeing the ways in which they use them, the ways that they take their sources and make meaning out of them. The ways they create arguments, even when those arguments are not as solid as they should be. There's something really magical about seeing someone discover words, discover the ways that words can be used. I mean, really. Just imagine how exciting it is that they create these entire essays that never existed before. They've assembled a lot of ideas that may seem recycled, and yet, the format they've chosen actually creates something that hasn't been done before. It's kind of amazing, really. And I get to see it. That's pretty special.

I'm sure that tomorrow will find me a little frazzled, attempting to finish up the work of a semester that's almost gone. But, I think I've learned something. I hope I've taught something. And I hope that we all, my students and I, keep creating new things and learning from things, even if those things seem tired and old.

I love you all,

Sara