A friend of mine said that listening to carols so much must be like working in a grocery store during the holidays. I had to say that, in fact, it is not so much like working in a grocery store as it is like living in a grocery store. At least when you work at the store you get to go home.
And yet, something keeps me listening to the Christmas carols even though they do get a little old.
I suppose that part of it is that, though a bit grating after a while, the carols really do make this time of year feel more festive, more like there is something special going on. I don't really decorate my apartment because I spend most of the holiday away from the cornfields, so having the carols playing makes my apartment feel a little more like a home.
But, I have to admit that there are some songs I really like to hear over and over. "O Holy Night" is one of them, as is "Silent Night." But, this year, I've really loved the song "Breath of Heaven," also known as "Mary's Song." It's not the same song of Mary found in the Bible, but it is a song that's sung from the point of view of Mary, and, as my friend Alanna pointed out not so long ago, it feels like we often don't think enough about Mary at this time of year. She is always shown in manger scenes and on Christmas cards, yet what do we know of her?
Honestly, we get very little of Mary in the Bible, save for Mary's Song, the Magnificat. It's a beautiful passage in which Mary praises God for giving the gift of the Messiah to one so lowly, for allowing her the privilege of bringing this life into the world. It's a beautiful prayer, a beautiful song. Yet, I can't help but wonder, like Alanna did, what other thoughts might have filled Mary's mind, what other fears were heavy on her heart.
I can't help but wonder how difficult it must have been to explain a true encounter with the Holy Spirit. How could Mary explain that she was to carry Christ, to give birth to the Savior? How could she explain that an angel had appeared to her? How did she feel, knowing that this angelic encounter, this conception by the Holy Spirit, would forever change her life? That she had no choice but to do the will of God?
In the song, "Breath of Heaven," Mary asks the following of God:
"Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me."
I can't help but think that those must have been the kind of thoughts Mary had. That she must have wondered why God had chosen her and not someone else. I know that none of us will experience the kind of encounter with God that Mary did, but I think we can really relate, in some small way, to these kinds of questions.
Because, though none of us will be called to give birth to the Savior, we are called to carry Christ, to be the means for those around us to see His love, know His truth, experience the healing that only He can give. And, don't we often wonder why God didn't choose someone better suited for the job?
I know that I often do. There are many people better suited than I am. I'm stubborn, selfish, prideful. In short, I'm a terrible Christian. Or have, at least, been a terrible one for most of my life. And yet, I now cannot imagine being anything but a Christian.
And, yes, it is hard to explain. How to explain a profound change in one's life? How to explain a spiritual change? How to fight the urge to try to provide strong arguments and actual physical proof when explaining something that cannot be explained in those ways? I'm not sure. I've tried, but I have failed because it is impossible to do those things. It's impossible to make human sense of things of the Spirit. Those things are beyond our comprehension, beyond our ability to explain, try as we might.
I guess the only way to begin to explain this change is to turn to Mary as an example of a woman who had to explain the most inexplicable mystery of all. To explain things of the Spirit, we cannot give tangible evidence or physical proof for something that is entirely spiritual. The only option is to give thanks to God for choosing to change our lives, for choosing to take one who is lowly and give her the greatest gift, which is the gift of Christ. When we have such an experience, our only option is to give thanks, to turn to the only One who truly knows how and why this change has occured. We must give thanks to the One who called us to this change. So, I'll leave you with Mary's song of thanks from Luke 1:46-55:
46And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,
47And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
48For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
49For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
50And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.
51He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
52He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.
53He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.
54He hath helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;
55As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.
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