My birthday is coming up. It will be here in less than two weeks. And I just realized that it took me a ridiculous amount of time to type that last sentence, mainly due to the fact that I can't remember today's date.
Anyways, this birthday isn't so big. I mean, it's not a milestone or anything. Last year was both my 30th and my "golden" birthday. If you had no idea that there was such a thing as a golden birthday, don't fear. I didn't either. Until I had one. It's the year that your age is the same as the date of your birth. So, with that explanation, it's pretty easy to deduce that my birthday is June 30th.
I really like birthdays. I think they're fun and maybe even a bit magical. Really, I've moved to being pretty low key about my birthdays. I like to do something fun, but I don't like to do anything too fancy. Last year I went to a baseball game with friends. Before the game we ate at my favorite taco bar. And then I spent the next day at the farm. Seriously, that's my favorite kind of birthday.
I guess it's because my birthday is coming up that I've been thinking of my earlier years. I'm not going into details or anything (protecting the innocent and all that good stuff), but I have made a ton of bad choices in my life. Some of them were dumb choices, many naive choices, and some just plain rotten choices. There are sometimes when I feel quite lucky to be alive. And other times when I just feel glad to be as happy and content as I am.
I guess what surprises me the most is how good God has been to me. I'm not saying that my whole life has been 100% happy and without struggle. I could write a few stories (or perhaps entire books) about the unhappier moments of my life. Some of it my fault, some of it not. But, I don't see God's goodness in just the happy parts of my life. When I look back on my life thus far, I see God's goodness in the saddest of times, the scariest of times, the loneliest and most dangerous of times. I see how He brought me through those times, how He restored me and bound up my broken heart, how He didn't allow those times to overcome me in a way that I couldn't escape from. And that is goodness.
3 comments:
Amen! I'm glad you posted a new entry!!
I'm glad too! :) I finally had a bit of time to spare. I'm glad you read it!
You're right. It totally is goodness. In fact, I think I see more of God's goodness in my own life when I look back on my mistaken times, my falling away, or running away, or flat out disobedient times than in my following hard after Him times. I see how He has protected me much when I so clearly didn't deserve it. Like last year on my "golden birthday" - so weird that you and I both had those on the same year. Mine was anything but golden, yet this year I can say He has not failed to persist in the work of redemption. The closer I get to today the less of Him I see - it seems to take me a while out to digest it, bring it into focus, and understand the purposes or ways He was so undeservedly carrying my life.
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