House Cleaning

Lately, I've been cleaning house. For those who know me, you know this is no small feat. I don't like cleaning house, so I avoid it as long as possible.

The sad truth is that when you wait to clean house, it just makes the cleanup more of a chore. You spend forever figuring out what to do with the various things you've collected since the last time you cleaned, trying to determine the worth of all your belongings. What gets to stay? What has to go? What do I actually use? What do I finally need to give up?

These are all the questions I'm asking. But, the things is, I'm doing a serious cleaning. I'm trying to figure out what things I should keep, what things are actually good for me to have. And, you know, it's difficult to do this after a long time of not doing this sort of cleanup.

You see, I started thinking about what I value. And, part of that is realizing that some of the stuff that surrounds me, some of the things I've collected, have really no value. In fact, much of it has negative value. Coming to terms with that isn't easy. I've made a world of all these things, and they have a lot to do with how I understand myself and all that surrounds me. But, having them is kind of like viewing the world through a dirty lens. You just can't see it the way it's supposed to be seen; things aren't as clear as they're meant to be.

So, the cleaning started.

And, as I cleaned, I realized that I had all of these things that I had put before God. I realized that I had so many things that I had put in between me and God. It started to worry me. It started to worry me that I wouldn't be able to clean enough or throw out enough to be able to get rid of all of those things that I'd put in between us.

I have to say, this was no small worry. I'd pray. I'd worry. It would still bother me. So, I'd pray more. I'd worry more. How could I mend this division? Was it even possible?

Then I realized that it was possible and not even that hard. I'd like to say that I had an epiphany while hiking in the mountains or while doing something amazing. But, truthfully, I was just sitting at my computer, listening to a song--"O Love Divine." And, you know, I just started thinking about God's love and how infinite it is.

And, then it just made sense. I had put many things in between us. But, God never had. He had been there always, putting nothing between Himself and me.

With that in mind, things just didn't seem so hopeless. There will always be things, even good and positive things, that take my attention from Him, but His attention will never be taken away from me. And, though this cleanup is necessary, I have to realize that taking away all these things isn't what makes me close to God. What makes me close to God is the very fact that He is close to me.