Being Perfect

I am a perfectionist. Now, that might come as a surprise to most people who know me, and it would come as a total shock to anyone who saw the state of my apartment right now. But it's true.

I like things to be perfect, and it annoys me when they aren't. I like people to be perfect, too. And, well, it annoys me when they aren't. In my defense (and, of course, I'm going to defend myself), I expect the same perfection of myself.

I hate it when the things I do don't turn out perfectly. I mean, hate it. I hate it when I don't understand something perfectly, when I don't know the answer to a question, when I can't explain something the exact right way. I once had a near breakdown because, while ironing, my iron spit all sorts of nasty stuff onto my white shirt, so, I, instead, had to wear my blue shirt. The blue shirt was the exact same as the white shirt, except it was blue. So, there was really no reason for a near breakdown. It was the same shirt! The only difference was, it wasn't the exact shirt in the exact color that I had wanted to wear that day, so everything just seemed amiss. In short, it wasn't perfect. And, as long as I'm in the confessional spirit, I must admit that, yes, I am one of those people who doesn't care if the food she makes tastes fine of it doesn't also look fine. Appearance counts for a lot.

But, the thing is, perfection is rough because things are very rarely perfect. It gets even tougher when you bring real-live people into a situation. They never do quite what you want them to. Although, just between you and me, I think a lot of people would be much happier if they did exactly what I wanted them to. If we were all perfect, or at least never let anyone see that we weren't perfect, think how much nicer things would be. Unfortunately, people just don't seem to act that way. But, this shouldn't be too surprising. Sometimes you can't even count on inanimate objects.

Take my freezer for example. In fact, you can have it, if you like. It's completely broken, and it decided to take the refrigerator down with it. This, of course, came right after I had made yet another lovely pot of beans and bought some tasty fruit and yummy dairy products (organic, better for you) at the grocery store. I was really about to make my house a perfect place for cooking and feeling at home. And, then my whole refrigerator decided to die.

I have to admit, this was annoying. Like I said earlier, I'm annoyed when things aren't perfect. I've been annoyed at myself lately too because I've been pretty blah. I think, "Just a couple of weeks ago, I felt so excited about everything I was reading, and now I'm getting somewhat lazy about my reading and Bible Study. Why am I not perfectly adhering to all that I know I should be doing when I know that concentrating on those things makes me work better?" Of course, there's the word "perfect." Why doesn't my refrigerator work perfectly? Why don't I work perfectly?

I guess, it's quite simply because we don't. There are things that make us work imperfectly. Tests come up; papers are due; reading for classes has to get done. And, when these things happen, it makes us lose focus of the reading and the Bible Study. It's annoying, in part because it messes with the perfect balance we've created. But, it does teach us something. In the case of my reading and Bible Study, I've learned how important and necessary keeping up with those things is to my well-being.

Perhaps more importantly, I'm learning that I can't always count on having exactly enough time to do my reading or Bible Study and that, sometimes, it might not even feel that great to do those things. But, I think that it's in those times that we really have to focus even harder. After all, things will never be perfect, but we can work hard to make things better, while allowing ourselves a little time to fail, a little time to be less than perfect.