What some may know and even fewer may believe, is that I am a brilliant inventor. Specifically, I do a great job of inventing that which has already been invented. I have two major inventions. The first is MTV; the second is the Bible. I invented MTV about three years ago; the Bible I invented earlier today.
The invention of MTV was simple enough. I was grading papers back in the day when I had bajillions of papers to grade, and I needed some distraction. Now, I'm completely incapable of watching TV while I work, but I like having some sort of picture on the screen. I can sort of listen to music while I work. And then I thought, "Oh my! There it is! Pictures on a screen while music plays in the background! I'm brilliant!" This epiphany was quickly followed by a confused moment in which I thought that my idea sounded suspiciously familiar, as if it had already been done. And, then, of course, I remembered MTV.
My invention of the Bible was equally inspired. Lately, I've been giving much thought to religion, specifically to Christianity. And, more specifically, I've been wondering how such a belief should affect how I live, the choices I make, all of that good stuff. All of that stuff that's difficult and sort of scary all at the same time. But it's also the sort of stuff that's good, that forces me to actually live a belief rather than rest secure and apathetic in it. So, anyways, as I thought about how religion and a belief in the Triune God should influence my life, I thought, "This system of praying and waiting seems entirely inefficient. It would make a lot more sense if there was a book I could consult that would give me answers to what God thinks about various things." And that, my friends, is how I invented the Bible.
I feel sort of stupid relating either (and, actually now, both) of these stories. But, I'm not sure I'm a total idiot for wishing for either of these things. When I think of MTV in its current state, I don't think of pictures on a screen with music in the background. More likely, I think about really skanky dating shows or The Real World or something. And, I wonder if MTV really plays music, aside from TRL. Moreover, as I inch toward 30, I wonder if I'm even allowed to watch TRL. I certainly never do, and, for all I know, it may not even exist anymore.
Likewise, my invention of the Bible isn't that absurd either because the Bible wasn't even what I was thinking of, really. What it comes down to, is I want the ease of email in my religiosity. I want to be as sure of what Christianity means in my life as I am of what a friend says to me in an email. I want to say, "Hey, is this the correct path for my life, or is the other way better?" And then I want to get a witty and heartfelt reply, and I think maybe God could have some cool e-mail handle, too. Maybe God would IM as well, and that could be really handy for crises of faith, major catastrophes, conversions, and the like.
But, the important aspect of this would be that you would always get a reply in writing. I mean, writing you can take to the bank. Writing you can show people. What it comes down to is that writing makes sense, and, quite frankly, much of faith does not. But, in some ways, I suppose the not-knowing, the uncertainty is as much a part of the experience of living out a faith as those rare moment of total certainty, and sometimes it's in those moments of not-knowing that important things are going on.
That said, I'm giving up on MTV ever being what it could be, and I'm giving up on e-mailing God as well, though I may try to at some point. You never know when a catastrophe might happen!
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