Right now, I'm pretty sleepy, and I'm looking forward to getting to bed. Tomorrow will be a hurried morning, full of packing, remembering last-minute details, and forgetting something that seems really important at the moment but probably isn't in the whole scheme of things.
Tomorrow, I'm headed out of town once again. But this time, instead of heading to El Salvador, I'm going to the Midwest. Okay, so perhaps you're thinking that the better vacation would be to head to the tropical paradise that is El Salvador. Well, normally, I'd say you're right. Normally, I'd much rather see all my kids in ES than go to Illinois. But, this time, Illinois is special.
Well, perhaps it's not Illinois that special. But, my very good friend Sabrina is getting married to a super sweet guy named Jon. And that's pretty special. I'm not going to brag about the pivotal role I played in this approaching marriage. Okay, I will brag. Those two are perfect for each other, and I knew it from the get-go. Whatever the get-go is. Well, whatever or whenever it is, I knew it. So there. And I'm ridiculously happy to be going to this wedding and to be doing the flowers for it. (Little known fact, I love arranging flowers. It's one of my favorite things to do. I almost never do it, but today I made two flower arrangements.)
So, tomorrow, I get on a jet plane (or whatever flies out of my town) and head to Champaign, by way of Chicago and rental car. And, you know, I just realized that I've never rented a car by myself before. Weird, right? I've done every other sort of traveling alone (first solo plane trip at the age of six, plenty of trains, subways, taxis, buses, and the like), but I've never rented a car by myself. Well, I guess I've never sailed alone either, but there's not much call for that.
Anyways, I'm excited for the wedding. I'm excited to go back to Champaign, as I haven't been there in a little over a year. While it'll be only a short visit this time, I'm ready to see how the place has changed, what kind of difference the year has made. I know it has made a difference in me.
Much love to all of you,
Sara
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Re-cap
Well, this past weekend was the Texas Reds Festival, and it was great. I meet Robert Earl Keen, and I learn that he wears Keens. Me too! :)
Later Saturday evening, I saw him play, and it was an amazing show. I stood out there in downtown, listening to Robert Earl Keen, and I just had to think that there was no better way to spend the evening. And, it made me happy that I got to see him play this festival shortly before I'll be moving back to Illinois. If there's anything that makes me miss home, it's Robert Earl Keen. Maybe I'll write more about that later, but for now I'll just say that it was wonderful.
Loves,
Sara
Later Saturday evening, I saw him play, and it was an amazing show. I stood out there in downtown, listening to Robert Earl Keen, and I just had to think that there was no better way to spend the evening. And, it made me happy that I got to see him play this festival shortly before I'll be moving back to Illinois. If there's anything that makes me miss home, it's Robert Earl Keen. Maybe I'll write more about that later, but for now I'll just say that it was wonderful.
Loves,
Sara
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Part for the Whole, Whole for the Part, Part of a Whole
For me, reading was always simple. When I was young, our class was split into reading groups, and I was always in the fastest readers group. One of my best friends was in the slowest group. I guess I didn't really understand that, didn't really get that reading could be hard for someone. Of course, when it came time for PE, it was a different story. When we'd run, I was always the slowest. For whatever reason, I just wasn't a good runner. And, over time, seeing how bad I was at running made me not want to run.
I'll cut to the chase right here. I'm not at all about to tell you a story about me becoming a great runner. It didn't happen. And, you know what? It probably never will. Oh, there are times when, even though I'm not great at it, I like to run. It's something that has given me some joy, a sense of accomplishment. But, I'm a realist. I'm not ever going to win a race, but I just might run it despite that fact.
Sometimes it's really easy to take gifts for granted. I was always a pretty capable student, and (to my good fortune) I was in a place where that meant something. I thought about that the other day as I was riding around San Salvador in a taxi (oh, the things taxis make me think about). How different my life might have been had success been based on my ability to run fast rather than my ability to do well on tests. But, I had to think that it didn't mean that my ability to do well in school meant that I was better than a person who could run fast but didn't do well on tests (not that these facilities have to be mutually exclusive). Sometimes you really need someone who can run fast or someone who can lift heavy things.
And, as I rode around in this taxi, taking in all the beauty that's between Soyapango and the San Salvador airport, I started thinking about the Body of Christ. Specifically, I was thinking of how Paul discusses the fact that we, as Christians, are the Body of Christ on earth. Just as our own bodies are made up of many different parts which function in many different ways, so is the Body of Christ. We can't all be hands or feet or hearts or heads. There must be many different parts because the world has many different needs that we must attend to, ways that we must minister to all who are in need.
So, Paul basically says that we shouldn't be jealous of the gifts that other members of the body have. We can't all have the same gifts or fulfill the same purposes. That would be redundant. It would make the Body of Christ a non-functioning whole because it would be many single and unrelated parts. How do hands function without arms? How do you hold your head up if there is no body?
But, sometimes I think it's easy to lose sight of what Paul is talking about. Sometimes I have trouble understanding why other people don't have the same strengths I have, and (more often) I find myself wishing I had strengths that other people have.
Here's an example. I believe in God. It's easy for me. Seriously.
Now, let me be honest. There have been times in my life when I felt like believing in God was perhaps the most insane thing I had ever done. But, for whatever reason, belief in God is not something that's difficult for me. I don't struggle with belief in the face of terrible circumstances. I understand that struggle, but it's not mine.
But, there are things I do struggle with. I see other people who seem to have such a sincere ability to relate to God, to seem so genuine and able to show their faith through their lives and to even openly discuss their faith. I'll level with you. I do envy those people. I wish I were one of those people. But I'm not. To me, those people always seem like they are so mature in their faith. That's not me. I don't speak openly about my faith. I actually don't speak openly about much of anything, but that's a blog for another day.
What I do take from Paul is this. I may never be one of those people I admire (or envy). I may never realize the fullness of those gifts, but that doesn't mean that I cannot be grateful that other people do have those gifts. And the fact that I do not have those gifts in abundance doesn't mean that I don't have them at all. Those may not be my strengths, but at least I can see how others use those strengths and learn from their examples.
It's all very humbling really. To know that I'm not and never can be the best Christian. And yet, it makes me a part of something bigger than myself, and that is something very beautiful.
I love each and every one of you,
Sara
I'll cut to the chase right here. I'm not at all about to tell you a story about me becoming a great runner. It didn't happen. And, you know what? It probably never will. Oh, there are times when, even though I'm not great at it, I like to run. It's something that has given me some joy, a sense of accomplishment. But, I'm a realist. I'm not ever going to win a race, but I just might run it despite that fact.
Sometimes it's really easy to take gifts for granted. I was always a pretty capable student, and (to my good fortune) I was in a place where that meant something. I thought about that the other day as I was riding around San Salvador in a taxi (oh, the things taxis make me think about). How different my life might have been had success been based on my ability to run fast rather than my ability to do well on tests. But, I had to think that it didn't mean that my ability to do well in school meant that I was better than a person who could run fast but didn't do well on tests (not that these facilities have to be mutually exclusive). Sometimes you really need someone who can run fast or someone who can lift heavy things.
And, as I rode around in this taxi, taking in all the beauty that's between Soyapango and the San Salvador airport, I started thinking about the Body of Christ. Specifically, I was thinking of how Paul discusses the fact that we, as Christians, are the Body of Christ on earth. Just as our own bodies are made up of many different parts which function in many different ways, so is the Body of Christ. We can't all be hands or feet or hearts or heads. There must be many different parts because the world has many different needs that we must attend to, ways that we must minister to all who are in need.
So, Paul basically says that we shouldn't be jealous of the gifts that other members of the body have. We can't all have the same gifts or fulfill the same purposes. That would be redundant. It would make the Body of Christ a non-functioning whole because it would be many single and unrelated parts. How do hands function without arms? How do you hold your head up if there is no body?
But, sometimes I think it's easy to lose sight of what Paul is talking about. Sometimes I have trouble understanding why other people don't have the same strengths I have, and (more often) I find myself wishing I had strengths that other people have.
Here's an example. I believe in God. It's easy for me. Seriously.
Now, let me be honest. There have been times in my life when I felt like believing in God was perhaps the most insane thing I had ever done. But, for whatever reason, belief in God is not something that's difficult for me. I don't struggle with belief in the face of terrible circumstances. I understand that struggle, but it's not mine.
But, there are things I do struggle with. I see other people who seem to have such a sincere ability to relate to God, to seem so genuine and able to show their faith through their lives and to even openly discuss their faith. I'll level with you. I do envy those people. I wish I were one of those people. But I'm not. To me, those people always seem like they are so mature in their faith. That's not me. I don't speak openly about my faith. I actually don't speak openly about much of anything, but that's a blog for another day.
What I do take from Paul is this. I may never be one of those people I admire (or envy). I may never realize the fullness of those gifts, but that doesn't mean that I cannot be grateful that other people do have those gifts. And the fact that I do not have those gifts in abundance doesn't mean that I don't have them at all. Those may not be my strengths, but at least I can see how others use those strengths and learn from their examples.
It's all very humbling really. To know that I'm not and never can be the best Christian. And yet, it makes me a part of something bigger than myself, and that is something very beautiful.
I love each and every one of you,
Sara
Friday, June 19, 2009
What is Good?
My birthday is coming up. It will be here in less than two weeks. And I just realized that it took me a ridiculous amount of time to type that last sentence, mainly due to the fact that I can't remember today's date.
Anyways, this birthday isn't so big. I mean, it's not a milestone or anything. Last year was both my 30th and my "golden" birthday. If you had no idea that there was such a thing as a golden birthday, don't fear. I didn't either. Until I had one. It's the year that your age is the same as the date of your birth. So, with that explanation, it's pretty easy to deduce that my birthday is June 30th.
I really like birthdays. I think they're fun and maybe even a bit magical. Really, I've moved to being pretty low key about my birthdays. I like to do something fun, but I don't like to do anything too fancy. Last year I went to a baseball game with friends. Before the game we ate at my favorite taco bar. And then I spent the next day at the farm. Seriously, that's my favorite kind of birthday.
I guess it's because my birthday is coming up that I've been thinking of my earlier years. I'm not going into details or anything (protecting the innocent and all that good stuff), but I have made a ton of bad choices in my life. Some of them were dumb choices, many naive choices, and some just plain rotten choices. There are sometimes when I feel quite lucky to be alive. And other times when I just feel glad to be as happy and content as I am.
I guess what surprises me the most is how good God has been to me. I'm not saying that my whole life has been 100% happy and without struggle. I could write a few stories (or perhaps entire books) about the unhappier moments of my life. Some of it my fault, some of it not. But, I don't see God's goodness in just the happy parts of my life. When I look back on my life thus far, I see God's goodness in the saddest of times, the scariest of times, the loneliest and most dangerous of times. I see how He brought me through those times, how He restored me and bound up my broken heart, how He didn't allow those times to overcome me in a way that I couldn't escape from. And that is goodness.
Anyways, this birthday isn't so big. I mean, it's not a milestone or anything. Last year was both my 30th and my "golden" birthday. If you had no idea that there was such a thing as a golden birthday, don't fear. I didn't either. Until I had one. It's the year that your age is the same as the date of your birth. So, with that explanation, it's pretty easy to deduce that my birthday is June 30th.
I really like birthdays. I think they're fun and maybe even a bit magical. Really, I've moved to being pretty low key about my birthdays. I like to do something fun, but I don't like to do anything too fancy. Last year I went to a baseball game with friends. Before the game we ate at my favorite taco bar. And then I spent the next day at the farm. Seriously, that's my favorite kind of birthday.
I guess it's because my birthday is coming up that I've been thinking of my earlier years. I'm not going into details or anything (protecting the innocent and all that good stuff), but I have made a ton of bad choices in my life. Some of them were dumb choices, many naive choices, and some just plain rotten choices. There are sometimes when I feel quite lucky to be alive. And other times when I just feel glad to be as happy and content as I am.
I guess what surprises me the most is how good God has been to me. I'm not saying that my whole life has been 100% happy and without struggle. I could write a few stories (or perhaps entire books) about the unhappier moments of my life. Some of it my fault, some of it not. But, I don't see God's goodness in just the happy parts of my life. When I look back on my life thus far, I see God's goodness in the saddest of times, the scariest of times, the loneliest and most dangerous of times. I see how He brought me through those times, how He restored me and bound up my broken heart, how He didn't allow those times to overcome me in a way that I couldn't escape from. And that is goodness.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Beauty in the Broken
I've just been doing some work this evening. When I work I listen to music. And I lose track of the words, or sometimes they all run together--the ideas, the words, the thoughts and sounds. Right now I have a good mix of Andrew Osenga and Jeremy Casella going. They each have ways of looking at the ugliness of life and finding some sort of beauty, some sort of hope for redemption. As I listen to the music, I keep remembering that Bible verse that says something about "My ways are not your ways." I usually think about that verse in conjunction with the verse that come next, that verse that explains that God's ways are higher than our ways.
I'm not sure I've ever read that correctly. And, I'm not sure that tonight I've stumbled upon the correct way of reading it, perhaps just a way I've never thought of before. But, as I was working and listening to these songs which speak so clearly of brokenness, I kept going back to the idea that His ways are not our ways. Or, at least they're not my ways. I'd hate to pass judgement on anyone else. I can only speak for myself, and this self is definitely lacking.
A few years ago, I went to the Chelsea Flower Show. At the show, they have all these demonstration gardens. Landscapers and gardeners have these elaborate presentations to show what they can do. It's amazing. My favorite garden was one that took bits of trash and worked them into the landscape design. Little candy wrappers made their way into benches or edging. I know it sounds strange, but it just worked.
You see, that's what I want to see. I want to see how those little bits of trash are worked into something beautiful. I want to see the finished product, to know that somehow all the little bits ugliness--the pain, the frustration, the hurt, the sadness--can be made into something beautiful. I want it for myself, but I also want it for the people I love. I want to see how the pains in their lives can become something that could give them comfort or how the sad experiences can be used to help someone else. I mean, how often do we see someone struggling under the weight of personal demons and have a feeling that that person may not make it? Don't we all kind of want to skip to the end of the story and see that everything turns out okay in the end? Don't we want to skip through the sad chapters, the hard chapters? Or do we just assume the worst, assume that there is no redemption, no recovery?
Sometimes I find it hard to find the beauty in the broken, the beauty in what seems so ugly and unfixable. His ways are not my ways. He sees to the end of the story, for better or worse. And, for better or worse, there is always love. He always loves.
And perhaps that love is where we can find some hope, some promise of redemption. Tomorrow I leave for El Salvador. I love being there. I love seeing my kids at the orphanage. But, in many ways, El Salvador is a place where the pains of life are evident right at the surface, not hidden away like we so often do here in a country where we can afford to hide our pain--put it in a big house, medicate it, put some nice shoes on it and act like everything is okay. But, in San Salvador, those pains are right there walking down the street, begging for change, hoping to find a place to sleep for the night.
But, it is also in San Salvador that I have seen to greatest hope. It is there that I know children--most of them abandoned, neglected, having suffered abuse and molestation--who possess such a deep faith. They have faith in God, and, somehow, they even have faith in other people. And maybe it's their faith in God that allows them to trust that people, deep down, really have some good in them. Or perhaps the children just know that the good they see in people comes from God.
Or, perhaps I'm getting a little tired by now and just need to go to bed. Because tomorrow I must pack. And tomorrow I get to see these children who give me so much hope, so much reason to believe that there can be beauty even in the ugliest pains of life.
I love you all,
Sara
I'm not sure I've ever read that correctly. And, I'm not sure that tonight I've stumbled upon the correct way of reading it, perhaps just a way I've never thought of before. But, as I was working and listening to these songs which speak so clearly of brokenness, I kept going back to the idea that His ways are not our ways. Or, at least they're not my ways. I'd hate to pass judgement on anyone else. I can only speak for myself, and this self is definitely lacking.
A few years ago, I went to the Chelsea Flower Show. At the show, they have all these demonstration gardens. Landscapers and gardeners have these elaborate presentations to show what they can do. It's amazing. My favorite garden was one that took bits of trash and worked them into the landscape design. Little candy wrappers made their way into benches or edging. I know it sounds strange, but it just worked.
You see, that's what I want to see. I want to see how those little bits of trash are worked into something beautiful. I want to see the finished product, to know that somehow all the little bits ugliness--the pain, the frustration, the hurt, the sadness--can be made into something beautiful. I want it for myself, but I also want it for the people I love. I want to see how the pains in their lives can become something that could give them comfort or how the sad experiences can be used to help someone else. I mean, how often do we see someone struggling under the weight of personal demons and have a feeling that that person may not make it? Don't we all kind of want to skip to the end of the story and see that everything turns out okay in the end? Don't we want to skip through the sad chapters, the hard chapters? Or do we just assume the worst, assume that there is no redemption, no recovery?
Sometimes I find it hard to find the beauty in the broken, the beauty in what seems so ugly and unfixable. His ways are not my ways. He sees to the end of the story, for better or worse. And, for better or worse, there is always love. He always loves.
And perhaps that love is where we can find some hope, some promise of redemption. Tomorrow I leave for El Salvador. I love being there. I love seeing my kids at the orphanage. But, in many ways, El Salvador is a place where the pains of life are evident right at the surface, not hidden away like we so often do here in a country where we can afford to hide our pain--put it in a big house, medicate it, put some nice shoes on it and act like everything is okay. But, in San Salvador, those pains are right there walking down the street, begging for change, hoping to find a place to sleep for the night.
But, it is also in San Salvador that I have seen to greatest hope. It is there that I know children--most of them abandoned, neglected, having suffered abuse and molestation--who possess such a deep faith. They have faith in God, and, somehow, they even have faith in other people. And maybe it's their faith in God that allows them to trust that people, deep down, really have some good in them. Or perhaps the children just know that the good they see in people comes from God.
Or, perhaps I'm getting a little tired by now and just need to go to bed. Because tomorrow I must pack. And tomorrow I get to see these children who give me so much hope, so much reason to believe that there can be beauty even in the ugliest pains of life.
I love you all,
Sara
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Craziness of Summer
Things are hectic. I mean, I'm sure they could be even more hectic, but they're pretty busy as it is. And, to tell the truth, I sort of love that.
I just got back from Chicago last night. It was a fun, short trip with my mom and aunt. It got me pretty excited to think that in just a short while I'll be moving back to Illinois and even more excited to think about the work I'll be doing there. I'm loving my plans for a dissertation, and I'm just so looking forward to being in a place where I can really concentrate on that work. Also, I'm pretty excited to be so close to Chicago again and to be close to St. Louis, which is now home to my friend Brooke and soon to be home to my friend Sabrina. I see some trips to St. Louis in my future, and I'm glad that I'll have places to stay while I'm there! :)
In just a couple of days, I head to El Salvador for two weeks--my first trip of two I'll take this summer. Construction has started on the new orphanage, so I'll be spending time at the worksite when they need me and playing with my kids when I'm not needed on construction. Really, it's so amazing to see this building finally become a reality. And it's unbelievably wonderful how many people want to help and are helping. God is so good.
In between my two El Salvador trips, I'll be heading back to dear old Champaign-Urbana for Sabrina's wedding. It's going to be beautiful, mainly because it will be so great to see her get married but also because the wedding is at the amazingly beautiful Allerton Park. Seriously, people, if you're in the neighborhood, you should definitely go to Allerton to do a little hiking or to have a picnic and walk around the gardens. The peonies alone are worth the drive. Then again, I love peonies, so maybe I'm biased.
So, that's my summer. I've actually left most of the hectic-ness out. But, don't worry. I'm not stressed about any of it. I'm invigorated! :)
Love,
Sara
I just got back from Chicago last night. It was a fun, short trip with my mom and aunt. It got me pretty excited to think that in just a short while I'll be moving back to Illinois and even more excited to think about the work I'll be doing there. I'm loving my plans for a dissertation, and I'm just so looking forward to being in a place where I can really concentrate on that work. Also, I'm pretty excited to be so close to Chicago again and to be close to St. Louis, which is now home to my friend Brooke and soon to be home to my friend Sabrina. I see some trips to St. Louis in my future, and I'm glad that I'll have places to stay while I'm there! :)
In just a couple of days, I head to El Salvador for two weeks--my first trip of two I'll take this summer. Construction has started on the new orphanage, so I'll be spending time at the worksite when they need me and playing with my kids when I'm not needed on construction. Really, it's so amazing to see this building finally become a reality. And it's unbelievably wonderful how many people want to help and are helping. God is so good.
In between my two El Salvador trips, I'll be heading back to dear old Champaign-Urbana for Sabrina's wedding. It's going to be beautiful, mainly because it will be so great to see her get married but also because the wedding is at the amazingly beautiful Allerton Park. Seriously, people, if you're in the neighborhood, you should definitely go to Allerton to do a little hiking or to have a picnic and walk around the gardens. The peonies alone are worth the drive. Then again, I love peonies, so maybe I'm biased.
So, that's my summer. I've actually left most of the hectic-ness out. But, don't worry. I'm not stressed about any of it. I'm invigorated! :)
Love,
Sara
Friday, May 15, 2009
I thought I'd share something beautiful...
Inspired by this amazing picture that Erin, one of the girls who went to El Salvador this Spring Break, made and brought to dinner last night, I thought I'd make a gallery poster of it. The quality of the image isn't the greatest (I'm still sort of learning how to convert files), but isn't her picture beautiful? It just captures the whole experience of going to El Salvador.
The text below it is:
About the Picture This artwork was created by Erin Cleveland, a member of our 2009 Spring Break SHIP Trip team. In her own words “when I can't express my love in words, it usually ends up on a canvas.” This work shows the children of the San Salvador orphanage and the members of our team, all pieces of one fragmented heart, all members of one living, breathing body of Christ, all children of the same God, each one worthy of love regardless of country, ability, or circumstance, The Psalmist writes that God “heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” We’ve seen that happen. We’ve seen the smile on a child who was abandoned but has found a home. We’ve seen the light in his eyes when he realizes that he matters. We’ve seen the joy on her face when someone reads her a story. And we know God is good.
I'll be going back to El Salvador in just a couple of weeks, and this picture makes me miss my kids. It also makes me want to work even harder to build them a new home. If anyone is interested in getting involved or wants to learn more about what you can do to help these wonderful children, send me and email! You can also check us out on-line. The website is going through a few beautifications right now, but there's some good information about the work we do. And, if you happen to be in the Bryan, Texas, area during the weekend of June 20, we'll have a booth at the Texas Reds Festival. Come by and learn more about us!
Love,
Sara
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A Few Things...
I have nearly 200 posts on this here little blog. So, in honor of that ridiculous number of posts, I'm going to jump the gun and do a list. A list of things about me--silly things, odd things, perhaps even some unknown things.
I know. It's madness! It's self-centered and silly to do a list about oneself. Well, at least I'm owning that. ;)
So, here we go, peeps. A little list of things about me.
1. I am probably the least organized person you could ever meet. My idea of organization involves sort things and putting them into piles. Piles, people. Piles are not orderly. They are piles. But they are the closest thing to order I am usually capable of.
2. I have to sleep in a bed that's been made. I mean, even if I make it right before getting into it. Weird, right? And totally not in keeping with the disorderliness. At all! But, for whatever reason, sleeping in an unmade bed makes me nervous. I need order while I sleep.
3. I like math. I mean, I'm not actually all that interested in math, but I do like the occasional number crunching.
4. I love planning things. Seriously, planning trips, planning menus, whatever. I like finding hotel rooms and good deals on flights. I've been obsessed with finding deals on flights since I was young. I'd read the Sunday Houston Chronicle and call airlines about the flight deals I'd find in it. I always wanted to go to Europe, so I'd try to find cheap airfare.
5. I don't like board games. "Hate" might actually be a better word for it, but I'd really reserve the word "hate" for card games. I barely even like looking at cards. There are some exceptions. I like Apples to Apples, and I like Cribbage. I also like Trivial Pursuit. But, if I'm with a group of people, I'd so much rather talk than play games. See, I don't hate the player, I hate the game! :)
6. I love the smell of Cherry Blossoms. Love. The trees are so beautiful, and they're one thing that I truly miss about the Midwest. They have the most beautiful spring there...when it finally gets there!
7. I wasn't much of a reader when I was a kid. I just wasn't too interested in reading kid books. For some reason, I had this idea that you got to read the good books when you got older and that reading kid books would just be a real waste of time. So I didn't read.
8. When I started kindergarten, I went to a Christian school. We had chapel the first day, and the music leader started us in a round of "Kumbaya." I'd never heard that song before, and I seriously believed that my parents had dropped me off at a cult. I was terrified of "Kumbaya." The funny thing is that I shared that with a friend who went to the same school, and she admitted that she had been scared too. What a couple of weird kids we were!
9. I have always loved to sing, but when I was a little kid, I had pretty questionable taste in music. My two favorite songs to sing were "Just Call me Angel of the Morning" and "Jose Cuervo." Considering I went to a Baptist preschool, your guess is as good as mine as to where I might have picked up those songs!
10. Sometimes I have teaching nightmares. They're terrifying. Like, I forgot to teach one of my classes all semester, or I hadn't taught them some huge assignment, or I had a ton of grading to do before May 18th. Oh wait. That last one isn't a dream...
11. My favorite Psalm is Psalm 62. It's beautiful. Read it!
12. I don't like being barefoot, so I wear shoes all the time. I especially like Birkenstocks. I like them a lot. A whole lot. And, even though I know they're ugly, part of me thinks they're nice shoes.
13. I like cake better than cupcakes. I think cupcakes are cute, and I have an amazing (amazing!) recipe for chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting. Oh, you know you want them now! But, I think a piece of cake is pretty hard to beat.
14. I'm turning into a workaholic. It's true. I also find it impossible to delegate (as if I have anyone to delegate anything to). But, I don't trust people to care about projects as much as I do. So, I like to work sometimes.
15. I love to bake. I have a fierce chocolate cake recipe, and it's super easy. I will make said cake upon request! :)
Okay, those are some things about me. I hope you weren't completely bored!
Loves!
Sara
I know. It's madness! It's self-centered and silly to do a list about oneself. Well, at least I'm owning that. ;)
So, here we go, peeps. A little list of things about me.
1. I am probably the least organized person you could ever meet. My idea of organization involves sort things and putting them into piles. Piles, people. Piles are not orderly. They are piles. But they are the closest thing to order I am usually capable of.
2. I have to sleep in a bed that's been made. I mean, even if I make it right before getting into it. Weird, right? And totally not in keeping with the disorderliness. At all! But, for whatever reason, sleeping in an unmade bed makes me nervous. I need order while I sleep.
3. I like math. I mean, I'm not actually all that interested in math, but I do like the occasional number crunching.
4. I love planning things. Seriously, planning trips, planning menus, whatever. I like finding hotel rooms and good deals on flights. I've been obsessed with finding deals on flights since I was young. I'd read the Sunday Houston Chronicle and call airlines about the flight deals I'd find in it. I always wanted to go to Europe, so I'd try to find cheap airfare.
5. I don't like board games. "Hate" might actually be a better word for it, but I'd really reserve the word "hate" for card games. I barely even like looking at cards. There are some exceptions. I like Apples to Apples, and I like Cribbage. I also like Trivial Pursuit. But, if I'm with a group of people, I'd so much rather talk than play games. See, I don't hate the player, I hate the game! :)
6. I love the smell of Cherry Blossoms. Love. The trees are so beautiful, and they're one thing that I truly miss about the Midwest. They have the most beautiful spring there...when it finally gets there!
7. I wasn't much of a reader when I was a kid. I just wasn't too interested in reading kid books. For some reason, I had this idea that you got to read the good books when you got older and that reading kid books would just be a real waste of time. So I didn't read.
8. When I started kindergarten, I went to a Christian school. We had chapel the first day, and the music leader started us in a round of "Kumbaya." I'd never heard that song before, and I seriously believed that my parents had dropped me off at a cult. I was terrified of "Kumbaya." The funny thing is that I shared that with a friend who went to the same school, and she admitted that she had been scared too. What a couple of weird kids we were!
9. I have always loved to sing, but when I was a little kid, I had pretty questionable taste in music. My two favorite songs to sing were "Just Call me Angel of the Morning" and "Jose Cuervo." Considering I went to a Baptist preschool, your guess is as good as mine as to where I might have picked up those songs!
10. Sometimes I have teaching nightmares. They're terrifying. Like, I forgot to teach one of my classes all semester, or I hadn't taught them some huge assignment, or I had a ton of grading to do before May 18th. Oh wait. That last one isn't a dream...
11. My favorite Psalm is Psalm 62. It's beautiful. Read it!
12. I don't like being barefoot, so I wear shoes all the time. I especially like Birkenstocks. I like them a lot. A whole lot. And, even though I know they're ugly, part of me thinks they're nice shoes.
13. I like cake better than cupcakes. I think cupcakes are cute, and I have an amazing (amazing!) recipe for chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting. Oh, you know you want them now! But, I think a piece of cake is pretty hard to beat.
14. I'm turning into a workaholic. It's true. I also find it impossible to delegate (as if I have anyone to delegate anything to). But, I don't trust people to care about projects as much as I do. So, I like to work sometimes.
15. I love to bake. I have a fierce chocolate cake recipe, and it's super easy. I will make said cake upon request! :)
Okay, those are some things about me. I hope you weren't completely bored!
Loves!
Sara
Sunday, May 03, 2009
All Things are New Again
There is something that I not-so-secretly loathe. Something that I put off until the bitter end. Something that I dread more than anything, even though it will probably be part of my life for who only knows how long.
Grading.
There. I said it. I hate grading. Not even dislike. I officially hate it. I hate its guts, even though it doesn't technically have any.
I know that seems like a lot of hostility to unleash on an inanimate object. I mean, what has a pile of essays ever done to me? Nothing, really.
So, why do I hate it so much? Well, I guess a lot of the hatred has to do with the mix of feelings I have going into grading. Thee are so many questions in my mind. Did I teach them enough? Was I clear about this part? Why did this student clearly get the assignment while this other one clearly did not? How long would it take for PapaDel's to deliver to Texas? Okay, that last one might have nothing to do with grading, other than the fact that a stuffed pizza with pepperoni and sausage would sure take some of the edge off the awfulness that is grading.
The truth is, I'm a weird perfectionist of sorts. I hold myself to all sorts of standards, and (if I don't measure up) I really don't feel like I have a right to judge the writing of someone else. And then there's the whole part of me that cares about these students, that doesn't want them to have to worry about bad grades, that actually worries about how they are feeling and how stressed they are. I mean, I've been there. I feel for them. And maybe I hate grading because I want to protect my students from the bad grades and even protect them from themselves.
But, for some odd reason, I've found myself enjoying grading over the past couple of days. I've been slower about it, actually forcing myself to take things more slowly. And, I've found that the slower pace is allowing me to enjoy grading more. I think that my attitude about grading is beginning to change and that I'm finding a way of grading that's more in line with my style of teaching and my actual attitudes about education.
I'm enjoying my students' words. I'm enjoying seeing the ways in which they use them, the ways that they take their sources and make meaning out of them. The ways they create arguments, even when those arguments are not as solid as they should be. There's something really magical about seeing someone discover words, discover the ways that words can be used. I mean, really. Just imagine how exciting it is that they create these entire essays that never existed before. They've assembled a lot of ideas that may seem recycled, and yet, the format they've chosen actually creates something that hasn't been done before. It's kind of amazing, really. And I get to see it. That's pretty special.
I'm sure that tomorrow will find me a little frazzled, attempting to finish up the work of a semester that's almost gone. But, I think I've learned something. I hope I've taught something. And I hope that we all, my students and I, keep creating new things and learning from things, even if those things seem tired and old.
I love you all,
Sara
Grading.
There. I said it. I hate grading. Not even dislike. I officially hate it. I hate its guts, even though it doesn't technically have any.
I know that seems like a lot of hostility to unleash on an inanimate object. I mean, what has a pile of essays ever done to me? Nothing, really.
So, why do I hate it so much? Well, I guess a lot of the hatred has to do with the mix of feelings I have going into grading. Thee are so many questions in my mind. Did I teach them enough? Was I clear about this part? Why did this student clearly get the assignment while this other one clearly did not? How long would it take for PapaDel's to deliver to Texas? Okay, that last one might have nothing to do with grading, other than the fact that a stuffed pizza with pepperoni and sausage would sure take some of the edge off the awfulness that is grading.
The truth is, I'm a weird perfectionist of sorts. I hold myself to all sorts of standards, and (if I don't measure up) I really don't feel like I have a right to judge the writing of someone else. And then there's the whole part of me that cares about these students, that doesn't want them to have to worry about bad grades, that actually worries about how they are feeling and how stressed they are. I mean, I've been there. I feel for them. And maybe I hate grading because I want to protect my students from the bad grades and even protect them from themselves.
But, for some odd reason, I've found myself enjoying grading over the past couple of days. I've been slower about it, actually forcing myself to take things more slowly. And, I've found that the slower pace is allowing me to enjoy grading more. I think that my attitude about grading is beginning to change and that I'm finding a way of grading that's more in line with my style of teaching and my actual attitudes about education.
I'm enjoying my students' words. I'm enjoying seeing the ways in which they use them, the ways that they take their sources and make meaning out of them. The ways they create arguments, even when those arguments are not as solid as they should be. There's something really magical about seeing someone discover words, discover the ways that words can be used. I mean, really. Just imagine how exciting it is that they create these entire essays that never existed before. They've assembled a lot of ideas that may seem recycled, and yet, the format they've chosen actually creates something that hasn't been done before. It's kind of amazing, really. And I get to see it. That's pretty special.
I'm sure that tomorrow will find me a little frazzled, attempting to finish up the work of a semester that's almost gone. But, I think I've learned something. I hope I've taught something. And I hope that we all, my students and I, keep creating new things and learning from things, even if those things seem tired and old.
I love you all,
Sara
Friday, April 24, 2009
I'm Boring. But you knew that...
This week has been an interesting one for me. I've learned a lot about myself. Mainly, I have learned that I am the most boring person ever.
You should probably quit reading right now. Save yourselves; avert your attention; surf away from this blog!
Anyways, I just love how there are those certain moments when things seem so clear, when you realize that there is something that defines you. I am defined by how boring I am. I can accept that.
This realization came courtesy of one of my students. I'm having them do a research/position/proposal paper wherein they find a problem or issue, research it, present an argument about it, and then propose something that they could actually do to solve it. I'm totally excited about this project. We watched the movie Invisible Children, which if you haven't seen you must. Like right now. It is amazing. And perhaps even life changing.
So, I was talking to my students about their topics, and one student (who is very bright and quite a competent writer) asked, "Can we write about something less serious?" She said that the topics we'd discussed had been really serious, and she just wondered if it would be possible to do something a little less intense. Of course I said that wouldn't be a problem. I'm flexible.
But, as I stood there waiting for them to finish a freewrite, I was totally perplexed. it seriously never occurred to me that someone would even want to write about something less serious. I mean, I seriously could not wrap my mind around that concept. I mean, I will be the first (or maybe more like third or fourth) to tell you that there is a lot of beauty in this world, that people are so much better than you will ever anticipate, that there is a lot of good. I really do see the bright side. I promise! :) But I also know that there are so many problems that need intervention, that there are so many people who could accomplish so much in their lives and in their communities, if only they had the resources to do so. I mean, to me, I see or know of the poverty and sadness and all the ugliness that is in the world, and it makes me sad. I wish these things weren't there, but I am amazed at the awesome responsibility to help at those times when we have the opportunity to.
I guess I just can't imagine not wanting to tackle these sorts of problems because that's why we're here. Isn't it? It's those serious issues that need our attention, and sometimes we have the means to actually do something.
So, I'm boring. I guess I'll have to learn to live with that. It's really just interesting to think of how differently we view things. And, it reminds me that (even though I can be very stubborn) we really do need each other. We need to see how other people view the world. Maybe I could learn to look for the lighter or happier aspects of life if I could see it through her eyes for a while. Or maybe I would see things I would never expect. I'm guessing I would. Maybe borrowing a new set of eyes is a good idea for every once in a while! ;)
Oh, and I also learned that I'm boring today while at an appointment. I've had a headache for about 2 weeks now, and the headachiness started spreading down my back. So, I made my very first appointment with a chiropractor. Let me tell you. It was fantastic. Who knew a spine could pop that loudly? Amazing! And the chiropractor was really nice. But, anyways, after the adjustment (snap crackle pop), they hooked me up to these electrical thingies. This is when I realized that I'm boring. I was there, getting help because I'm in pain, and all I thought about was all the things I need to do. Papers to grade, fundraising for the orphanage, newsletter for the non-profit, supplies for El Salvador, the kids, physical therapy methods for our kids with MD. And did I mention that I work two jobs? Why oh why was I not just relaxing and enjoying the attention to my poor, achy muscles? Because I'm a boring almost-grownup. Seriously, Boring. When did this happen to me?
Oh, well. Turns out that I like working constantly. Weird. Turns out that I may become a type-A personality. Turns out that I might end up becoming assertive? Oh, yes, friends. These things are happening. Someone even called me "intense" the other day. Really? Me? Intense? Oh, say it ain't so!
Loves! Loves! Loves!
Sara
PS: Please forgive me for this self-indulgent post. I love you, people! God bless!
You should probably quit reading right now. Save yourselves; avert your attention; surf away from this blog!
Anyways, I just love how there are those certain moments when things seem so clear, when you realize that there is something that defines you. I am defined by how boring I am. I can accept that.
This realization came courtesy of one of my students. I'm having them do a research/position/proposal paper wherein they find a problem or issue, research it, present an argument about it, and then propose something that they could actually do to solve it. I'm totally excited about this project. We watched the movie Invisible Children, which if you haven't seen you must. Like right now. It is amazing. And perhaps even life changing.
So, I was talking to my students about their topics, and one student (who is very bright and quite a competent writer) asked, "Can we write about something less serious?" She said that the topics we'd discussed had been really serious, and she just wondered if it would be possible to do something a little less intense. Of course I said that wouldn't be a problem. I'm flexible.
But, as I stood there waiting for them to finish a freewrite, I was totally perplexed. it seriously never occurred to me that someone would even want to write about something less serious. I mean, I seriously could not wrap my mind around that concept. I mean, I will be the first (or maybe more like third or fourth) to tell you that there is a lot of beauty in this world, that people are so much better than you will ever anticipate, that there is a lot of good. I really do see the bright side. I promise! :) But I also know that there are so many problems that need intervention, that there are so many people who could accomplish so much in their lives and in their communities, if only they had the resources to do so. I mean, to me, I see or know of the poverty and sadness and all the ugliness that is in the world, and it makes me sad. I wish these things weren't there, but I am amazed at the awesome responsibility to help at those times when we have the opportunity to.
I guess I just can't imagine not wanting to tackle these sorts of problems because that's why we're here. Isn't it? It's those serious issues that need our attention, and sometimes we have the means to actually do something.
So, I'm boring. I guess I'll have to learn to live with that. It's really just interesting to think of how differently we view things. And, it reminds me that (even though I can be very stubborn) we really do need each other. We need to see how other people view the world. Maybe I could learn to look for the lighter or happier aspects of life if I could see it through her eyes for a while. Or maybe I would see things I would never expect. I'm guessing I would. Maybe borrowing a new set of eyes is a good idea for every once in a while! ;)
Oh, and I also learned that I'm boring today while at an appointment. I've had a headache for about 2 weeks now, and the headachiness started spreading down my back. So, I made my very first appointment with a chiropractor. Let me tell you. It was fantastic. Who knew a spine could pop that loudly? Amazing! And the chiropractor was really nice. But, anyways, after the adjustment (snap crackle pop), they hooked me up to these electrical thingies. This is when I realized that I'm boring. I was there, getting help because I'm in pain, and all I thought about was all the things I need to do. Papers to grade, fundraising for the orphanage, newsletter for the non-profit, supplies for El Salvador, the kids, physical therapy methods for our kids with MD. And did I mention that I work two jobs? Why oh why was I not just relaxing and enjoying the attention to my poor, achy muscles? Because I'm a boring almost-grownup. Seriously, Boring. When did this happen to me?
Oh, well. Turns out that I like working constantly. Weird. Turns out that I may become a type-A personality. Turns out that I might end up becoming assertive? Oh, yes, friends. These things are happening. Someone even called me "intense" the other day. Really? Me? Intense? Oh, say it ain't so!
Loves! Loves! Loves!
Sara
PS: Please forgive me for this self-indulgent post. I love you, people! God bless!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Reading the Gospels. See, I really do read the Bible! ;)
The other day, I decided to start reading the Gospels. For some reason, I almost never read them. I usually find myself reading from the Old Testament, especially Psalms, or from Paul's epistles. I go to a Baptist church, so I suppose I need to keep up with Paul. And, though I'm not sure why, I just really love the Old Testament.
But, personal preferences aside and all, I thought I should really study the Gospels, get to know them better. Perhaps I decided that studying the Gospels would be good because I'm, well, Christian, and as such, it would probably be good for me to know more about, well, Christ. You see, I haven't spent years in school for absolutely nothing. I'm smart enough to eventually understand that Christians should know about Christ and that in order to do so they should probably read the Gospels. And did you know that the Gospels are the Good News? I'm just full of all sorts of information that any five year old in a decent Sunday School class should be able to tell you!
Well, anyways, as soon as I had this epiphany, I decided to get right to reading the Gospels. I'm starting with Matthew because it comes first. Usually I scorn convention, but I'm going to bring a little order to this endeavor. So, as I was reading, I got to the part about the baptism of Jesus. That's my favorite part. (Truth be told, I might have read this before.)
So, I was in my favorite part, and, just to be fair, I'll add the verses here:
13 Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan River. He wanted to be baptized by John. 14 But John tried to stop him. He told Jesus, "I need to be baptized by you. So why do you come to me?"
15 Jesus replied, "Let it be this way for now. It is right for us to do this. It carries out God's holy plan." Then John agreed.
16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he came up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened. Jesus saw the Spirit of God coming down on him like a dove.
17 A voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, and I love him. I am very pleased with him."
I'm not sure why, but I find those verses one of the most amazing parts of the Bible. I say that about every part, but this time it's true. :)
Usually, when I've read these verses before, I've focused on the Spirit, on the dove. But, for some reason, as I read these verses the other night, I was thinking about John the Baptist. And I kept thinking about verses 14 and 15. I kept thinking of how unworthy John must have felt. But that he had to baptize Jesus, as that was part of "God's holy plan."
And I guess I couldn't help but think of how unable or unworthy we all feel at times, especially in doing those things we feel called to do. And, perhaps it's not just a feeling of unworthiness but a knowing that we are so far from righteous, a not understanding how someone like you or me could be a part of a holy plan. But I think we are.
Love,
Sara
Also, if you think about it, pray for my kids in El Salvador for our fundraising efforts. I'll be going there twice this summer, so I could use some prayers too. :)
But, personal preferences aside and all, I thought I should really study the Gospels, get to know them better. Perhaps I decided that studying the Gospels would be good because I'm, well, Christian, and as such, it would probably be good for me to know more about, well, Christ. You see, I haven't spent years in school for absolutely nothing. I'm smart enough to eventually understand that Christians should know about Christ and that in order to do so they should probably read the Gospels. And did you know that the Gospels are the Good News? I'm just full of all sorts of information that any five year old in a decent Sunday School class should be able to tell you!
Well, anyways, as soon as I had this epiphany, I decided to get right to reading the Gospels. I'm starting with Matthew because it comes first. Usually I scorn convention, but I'm going to bring a little order to this endeavor. So, as I was reading, I got to the part about the baptism of Jesus. That's my favorite part. (Truth be told, I might have read this before.)
So, I was in my favorite part, and, just to be fair, I'll add the verses here:
13 Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan River. He wanted to be baptized by John. 14 But John tried to stop him. He told Jesus, "I need to be baptized by you. So why do you come to me?"
15 Jesus replied, "Let it be this way for now. It is right for us to do this. It carries out God's holy plan." Then John agreed.
16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he came up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened. Jesus saw the Spirit of God coming down on him like a dove.
17 A voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, and I love him. I am very pleased with him."
I'm not sure why, but I find those verses one of the most amazing parts of the Bible. I say that about every part, but this time it's true. :)
Usually, when I've read these verses before, I've focused on the Spirit, on the dove. But, for some reason, as I read these verses the other night, I was thinking about John the Baptist. And I kept thinking about verses 14 and 15. I kept thinking of how unworthy John must have felt. But that he had to baptize Jesus, as that was part of "God's holy plan."
And I guess I couldn't help but think of how unable or unworthy we all feel at times, especially in doing those things we feel called to do. And, perhaps it's not just a feeling of unworthiness but a knowing that we are so far from righteous, a not understanding how someone like you or me could be a part of a holy plan. But I think we are.
Love,
Sara
Also, if you think about it, pray for my kids in El Salvador for our fundraising efforts. I'll be going there twice this summer, so I could use some prayers too. :)
Friday, April 17, 2009
I need to sleep!
Oh, Heavens!
It's nearly 1:30 in the morning, and I'm about to get to sleep. Now, it's not like this is exactly late. I have to say that because otherwise I feel like an old person. Though, truth be told, I am becoming an old person. :)
Anyways, 1:30 is late when the reason you are awake isn't because you were out having a fun time. It's late when the reason you are up is work. And, if you enjoyed the work you were doing, you are officially an old person. Because old people like to work. They're industrious, even.
But, me? I am not so industrious. I am the opposite of industrious. I am a person who wants to hide under my comfy, warm covers for just five more minutes, which will surely turn into two more hours. However...
I'm really liking my work lately. In fact, I might even be loving it. I want to research for it, make handouts for it, create interesting lesson plans for it. People, I made a PowerPoint. A PowerPoint. That is what I am doing up so late. I made a beautiful PowerPoint for my class tomorrow, and I'm so excited to show it to them. It's beautiful. It has pictures and inspiring quotes. I mean, inspiring quotes, people. I hate inspiring quotes. I mean, I super duper can't stand them. They just always seem so, I don't know, annoying and trite? But, I found some inspiring quotes, and I loved them. So I put them on my PowerPoint. I even thought about incorporating music, but I couldn't figure out what to play. Besides, that might be kind of, I don't know, stupid?
Anyways, my class is gearing up for their final essay of the semester, so I decided to make some adjustments to it. And that's what has me so excited about it. I've even started thinking of ways to create a class that's similar to what I'm doing with this final essay. It's kind of a Composition meets Service Learning kind of thing, and I'm just really excited to see what the students do with it.
Okay, now I'll really get to sleep.
Love you!
Sara
It's nearly 1:30 in the morning, and I'm about to get to sleep. Now, it's not like this is exactly late. I have to say that because otherwise I feel like an old person. Though, truth be told, I am becoming an old person. :)
Anyways, 1:30 is late when the reason you are awake isn't because you were out having a fun time. It's late when the reason you are up is work. And, if you enjoyed the work you were doing, you are officially an old person. Because old people like to work. They're industrious, even.
But, me? I am not so industrious. I am the opposite of industrious. I am a person who wants to hide under my comfy, warm covers for just five more minutes, which will surely turn into two more hours. However...
I'm really liking my work lately. In fact, I might even be loving it. I want to research for it, make handouts for it, create interesting lesson plans for it. People, I made a PowerPoint. A PowerPoint. That is what I am doing up so late. I made a beautiful PowerPoint for my class tomorrow, and I'm so excited to show it to them. It's beautiful. It has pictures and inspiring quotes. I mean, inspiring quotes, people. I hate inspiring quotes. I mean, I super duper can't stand them. They just always seem so, I don't know, annoying and trite? But, I found some inspiring quotes, and I loved them. So I put them on my PowerPoint. I even thought about incorporating music, but I couldn't figure out what to play. Besides, that might be kind of, I don't know, stupid?
Anyways, my class is gearing up for their final essay of the semester, so I decided to make some adjustments to it. And that's what has me so excited about it. I've even started thinking of ways to create a class that's similar to what I'm doing with this final essay. It's kind of a Composition meets Service Learning kind of thing, and I'm just really excited to see what the students do with it.
Okay, now I'll really get to sleep.
Love you!
Sara
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Rebirth
Today is Easter, and I have to be honest. I don't mean that I have to be honest because it's Easter, though it does seem especially difficult to be dishonest on a day like Easter, a day when we are all so focused on that which is honest, on that which is Truth.
But, that's just it, really. I haven't been too focused. Specifically, I haven't been too focused on prayer, on reading my Bible, on much of anything that I feel like I should be focused on. As the days and weeks led up to Easter, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I wasn't really anxious with anticipation. I wasn't really much of anything.
Except that I was a bit of everything. I was sick. I was busy. I was working my two jobs. I was grading a giant stack of papers. I was battling a mountain of laundry. And if I'm going to be very, very honest, I was losing the battle with the laundry. In fact, I died on that mountain. I'll be wearing a cocktail dress to teach in tomorrow, because that's all that's clean.
And in all that busyness, I wasn't thinking too much about anything, well, spiritual.
But, Easter is a time of rebirth. Or, more specifically, it is a time of coming back from the dead. It is a time of remembering that Jesus, my God and my friend, overcame death.
And then He returned to us.
This year, for some reason, it occurred to me that the Easter story is truly strange. It's that last part that's strange. He returned to us. It's always seemed so normal before. Of course He returned. That's the way the story goes, every time, every year. Jesus returns.
But, as I was fighting the battle on laundry mountain, I started wondering why. It makes absolutely no sense that He would return. I mean, I'm sure that theologically it makes sense, fulfillment of prophecy and all of that, but it doesn't make rational sense that He would return to a world that killed Him. However, that He did return, despite the cruelty with which we treated Him and the callousness and hardness of heart which caused us to doubt Him, just speaks so clearly of the Truth that is the unchanging love of God. That "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, not only died for us, but returned to us. Returned to us because, despite the ugliness of our sin, He loves us. Because, in all times and all places--even now--God calls us to Himself.
So, I was thinking about Easter this evening, and I decided to read my Bible. It seemed like a good enough start. I turned to Philippians, which I so often do. Each time it's like meeting an old friend. Each time I read Philippians, I feel how much I've missed the encouragement that reading it brings. I've marked it up so much, but each time I read it, I find something that didn't stand out to me before, something that maybe I was meant to appreciate at a later time. Tonight was like that as well.
As Easter is a time of rebirth, I felt like it might also be a time that needs a prayer all its own. So, here is my prayer for this next year:
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Much love to each of you on this Blessed Easter,
Sara
But, that's just it, really. I haven't been too focused. Specifically, I haven't been too focused on prayer, on reading my Bible, on much of anything that I feel like I should be focused on. As the days and weeks led up to Easter, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I wasn't really anxious with anticipation. I wasn't really much of anything.
Except that I was a bit of everything. I was sick. I was busy. I was working my two jobs. I was grading a giant stack of papers. I was battling a mountain of laundry. And if I'm going to be very, very honest, I was losing the battle with the laundry. In fact, I died on that mountain. I'll be wearing a cocktail dress to teach in tomorrow, because that's all that's clean.
And in all that busyness, I wasn't thinking too much about anything, well, spiritual.
But, Easter is a time of rebirth. Or, more specifically, it is a time of coming back from the dead. It is a time of remembering that Jesus, my God and my friend, overcame death.
And then He returned to us.
This year, for some reason, it occurred to me that the Easter story is truly strange. It's that last part that's strange. He returned to us. It's always seemed so normal before. Of course He returned. That's the way the story goes, every time, every year. Jesus returns.
But, as I was fighting the battle on laundry mountain, I started wondering why. It makes absolutely no sense that He would return. I mean, I'm sure that theologically it makes sense, fulfillment of prophecy and all of that, but it doesn't make rational sense that He would return to a world that killed Him. However, that He did return, despite the cruelty with which we treated Him and the callousness and hardness of heart which caused us to doubt Him, just speaks so clearly of the Truth that is the unchanging love of God. That "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, not only died for us, but returned to us. Returned to us because, despite the ugliness of our sin, He loves us. Because, in all times and all places--even now--God calls us to Himself.
So, I was thinking about Easter this evening, and I decided to read my Bible. It seemed like a good enough start. I turned to Philippians, which I so often do. Each time it's like meeting an old friend. Each time I read Philippians, I feel how much I've missed the encouragement that reading it brings. I've marked it up so much, but each time I read it, I find something that didn't stand out to me before, something that maybe I was meant to appreciate at a later time. Tonight was like that as well.
As Easter is a time of rebirth, I felt like it might also be a time that needs a prayer all its own. So, here is my prayer for this next year:
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Much love to each of you on this Blessed Easter,
Sara
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Ugh-ness and Baseball Updates!
Today I spent all day in bed. Now, before you start thinking that I had some sort of wonderful, lazy Wednesday or that I lounged around while people brought me food or that all I did was watch movies...
Well, there was laziness, but it was mainly the kind of laziness that accompanies being sick and feeling ugh. And I have been feeling ugh. So ugh, in fact, that I didn't go to job number two today. I figured my co-workers and the sweet students I tutor would appreciate not getting whatever I have. Because whatever I have is not fun.
On a somewhat related note, for whatever reason, my students have been getting the most bizarre illnesses. Like, things that I didn't even know you could get. One had Scarlet Fever, and another just emailed to say he has Shingles. I mean, seriously? Where have they been that they've gotten these illnesses? And, more importantly, why do my students come to class when they're sick?
On a happier note, I went to the Cubs game on Tuesday, and it was wonderful. Cubs win. Fantastic. I wore my lucky hat and confirmed that the hat is lucky. Last night they won; tonight they didn't win. Last night I wore the hat; tonight I did not wear the hat. You may say, "Coincidence," but I know better than that. :)
Okay, I'm about to go to bed because I am sick and ugh. In fact, I am in bed as I type. So, perhaps I should say, I'm going to sleep now because I am sick and ugh. But, I've never been one to stress the details...
Loves!
Sara
Well, there was laziness, but it was mainly the kind of laziness that accompanies being sick and feeling ugh. And I have been feeling ugh. So ugh, in fact, that I didn't go to job number two today. I figured my co-workers and the sweet students I tutor would appreciate not getting whatever I have. Because whatever I have is not fun.
On a somewhat related note, for whatever reason, my students have been getting the most bizarre illnesses. Like, things that I didn't even know you could get. One had Scarlet Fever, and another just emailed to say he has Shingles. I mean, seriously? Where have they been that they've gotten these illnesses? And, more importantly, why do my students come to class when they're sick?
On a happier note, I went to the Cubs game on Tuesday, and it was wonderful. Cubs win. Fantastic. I wore my lucky hat and confirmed that the hat is lucky. Last night they won; tonight they didn't win. Last night I wore the hat; tonight I did not wear the hat. You may say, "Coincidence," but I know better than that. :)
Okay, I'm about to go to bed because I am sick and ugh. In fact, I am in bed as I type. So, perhaps I should say, I'm going to sleep now because I am sick and ugh. But, I've never been one to stress the details...
Loves!
Sara
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Some New Loves and a Plan
The Loves
As of late I have some new Internet loves. I'm not talking people, here. I'm talking Internet sites. Recently, I found a couple of sites that I think are pretty dadgum fantastic, so I thought I'd share them with my readers. Um, so I thought I'd share them with Greta, my reader. :)
So, here we go!
Okay, first of all, I love a good piece of introspective writing. I love it even more if the writer is contemplating life and death and all of those sorts of mysteries. I guess I just like to see how people confront those things that we all must, how they wrap their minds around all that is so difficult to understand. The other day I found Cases. It's a section of the New York TImes online, and it is absolutely amazing. I guess I should say that not all of the articles deal with life and death, but they are all related to the goings-on in the medical profession, and, as such, they all revolve around the more major decisions that people are faced with. Some of those are, in fact, issues of life and death. In any case, I could get sucked into reading quite a few of these at one sitting, and I just might have. :)
Second up. This one's a little weird. But, that's part of it's charm. Also part of it's charm? The fact that it's a blog. About food. A blog about food. What could be better? So what Am I talking about? Eat Like Me. It's a blog written by a dietician, and she talks about what she eats throughout the day. She also takes pictures of her meals. Weird, right? Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying that I'm on a bit of a health food kick lately. But, I really like this blog because it shows what eating healthy can look like for a real live person who lives a busy life. It's doable and even yummy looking. Trust me, the blog is pretty fun, and it can give you all sorts of good ideas for satisfying snacks and energy-upping meals.
Okay, not all of my new loves are confined to this here series of tubes. Some are in real life. Not too long ago, a new store opened up in town, and it is definitely one of my new loves. Village Foods is just about my favorite thing to come along in quite some time. It's kind of like a Whole Foods, but it's just a new local store. Small and friendly, Village Foods makes me want to shop for groceries and is quickly becoming the only store I'll go to. The benefit of this is that I'm eating healthier than I probably ever have, and I am truly loving it. Have I given up diet sodas? Not a chance, but I am making an effort to go organic and to support a local business. Oh, and Katy's little guy absolutely loves Village Foods!
The Plan
My plan for tomorrow? Baseball! Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Houston for the season opener at Minute Maid Park. I am really excited about it, though today I started to get a little cold which threatened to derail my excitement. Never fear, people. My excitement lives, and tomorrow I plan to be at Minute Maid, watching the Cubs beat the Astros!
Okay, that's a look at what's going on right now!
I love you all!
Sara
As of late I have some new Internet loves. I'm not talking people, here. I'm talking Internet sites. Recently, I found a couple of sites that I think are pretty dadgum fantastic, so I thought I'd share them with my readers. Um, so I thought I'd share them with Greta, my reader. :)
So, here we go!
Okay, first of all, I love a good piece of introspective writing. I love it even more if the writer is contemplating life and death and all of those sorts of mysteries. I guess I just like to see how people confront those things that we all must, how they wrap their minds around all that is so difficult to understand. The other day I found Cases. It's a section of the New York TImes online, and it is absolutely amazing. I guess I should say that not all of the articles deal with life and death, but they are all related to the goings-on in the medical profession, and, as such, they all revolve around the more major decisions that people are faced with. Some of those are, in fact, issues of life and death. In any case, I could get sucked into reading quite a few of these at one sitting, and I just might have. :)
Second up. This one's a little weird. But, that's part of it's charm. Also part of it's charm? The fact that it's a blog. About food. A blog about food. What could be better? So what Am I talking about? Eat Like Me. It's a blog written by a dietician, and she talks about what she eats throughout the day. She also takes pictures of her meals. Weird, right? Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying that I'm on a bit of a health food kick lately. But, I really like this blog because it shows what eating healthy can look like for a real live person who lives a busy life. It's doable and even yummy looking. Trust me, the blog is pretty fun, and it can give you all sorts of good ideas for satisfying snacks and energy-upping meals.
Okay, not all of my new loves are confined to this here series of tubes. Some are in real life. Not too long ago, a new store opened up in town, and it is definitely one of my new loves. Village Foods is just about my favorite thing to come along in quite some time. It's kind of like a Whole Foods, but it's just a new local store. Small and friendly, Village Foods makes me want to shop for groceries and is quickly becoming the only store I'll go to. The benefit of this is that I'm eating healthier than I probably ever have, and I am truly loving it. Have I given up diet sodas? Not a chance, but I am making an effort to go organic and to support a local business. Oh, and Katy's little guy absolutely loves Village Foods!
The Plan
My plan for tomorrow? Baseball! Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Houston for the season opener at Minute Maid Park. I am really excited about it, though today I started to get a little cold which threatened to derail my excitement. Never fear, people. My excitement lives, and tomorrow I plan to be at Minute Maid, watching the Cubs beat the Astros!
Okay, that's a look at what's going on right now!
I love you all!
Sara
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Catching Up!
Things have been really hectic and hurried since my return from Spring Break, but I do hate to let the old blog go unwritten upon. So, I thought I'd give a little list of some things that have been going on in my life. Here we go, peeps!
1. Since our trip, there has been overwhelming interest in the work that's going on in El Salvador. This is amazing to see. Most amazing (and exciting and thrilling and whatever else) is that some of the people who just got back from El Salvador want to go back this summer. To stay. To work. To get land cleared. This will be such a blessing for the building that needs to go on there. I am so anxious (in a really good way) to see how the summer plans work out and to see how much work can get done over the summer. And, it looks like I'll be heading to El Salvador a couple of times this summer. Awesome!
2. I had a bit of a breakthrough on the old dissertation front. I mean, "breakthrough" is kind of funny word to use. Perhaps, it's more appropriate to say, "Hey, I had a cool idea about what to write on. I'm really excited about it, and I think it's going to turn out well." I've found some previous research on my topic, but it doesn't look like it's a topic that's been overdone. Not sure yet how to frame it, but that will come. Oh, did I forget to mention what the topic is? :) All in good time!
3. There are two new little boys at the orphanage. They're brothers. Oh, folks, let me tell you. These two are the most amazingly sweet boys you could ever meet. And they are just beautiful. That's really the only way to describe them. Everything about them is beautiful. I was so happy to meet them. And the little brother sat on my lap for the whole bus ride to Cerro Verde. Oh, we had a field trip for the kids this trip. I will write more about this later, but I'll just say that it was great and that the kids loved it.
4. Teaching and tutoring are both going really well, though I am overwhelmed with work at the moment. At least I've learned that I somewhat like being busy!
5. Last night I went to dinner at Katy And Joe's. When I left, John insisted on going out to check my car out. He told me that I had a flat tire, so he fixed it for me. He even kicked the tires to make sure they were okay. It was super cute!
Love you!
Sara
1. Since our trip, there has been overwhelming interest in the work that's going on in El Salvador. This is amazing to see. Most amazing (and exciting and thrilling and whatever else) is that some of the people who just got back from El Salvador want to go back this summer. To stay. To work. To get land cleared. This will be such a blessing for the building that needs to go on there. I am so anxious (in a really good way) to see how the summer plans work out and to see how much work can get done over the summer. And, it looks like I'll be heading to El Salvador a couple of times this summer. Awesome!
2. I had a bit of a breakthrough on the old dissertation front. I mean, "breakthrough" is kind of funny word to use. Perhaps, it's more appropriate to say, "Hey, I had a cool idea about what to write on. I'm really excited about it, and I think it's going to turn out well." I've found some previous research on my topic, but it doesn't look like it's a topic that's been overdone. Not sure yet how to frame it, but that will come. Oh, did I forget to mention what the topic is? :) All in good time!
3. There are two new little boys at the orphanage. They're brothers. Oh, folks, let me tell you. These two are the most amazingly sweet boys you could ever meet. And they are just beautiful. That's really the only way to describe them. Everything about them is beautiful. I was so happy to meet them. And the little brother sat on my lap for the whole bus ride to Cerro Verde. Oh, we had a field trip for the kids this trip. I will write more about this later, but I'll just say that it was great and that the kids loved it.
4. Teaching and tutoring are both going really well, though I am overwhelmed with work at the moment. At least I've learned that I somewhat like being busy!
5. Last night I went to dinner at Katy And Joe's. When I left, John insisted on going out to check my car out. He told me that I had a flat tire, so he fixed it for me. He even kicked the tires to make sure they were okay. It was super cute!
Love you!
Sara
Monday, March 23, 2009
I'm Back!
Well, I am officially back from El Salvador. The trip was really wonderful. I got to meet the new kids at the orphanage, eat pupusas, hike Cerro Verde, and just generally have a great time with our group and our friends in El Salvador. I survived a historical election and a bedbug infestation. Time will tell how the election will affect the country and if I will ever stop itching. ;)
One bonus of the trip was that I got to take a bump on my flight into El Salvador, which means that I'm over half way to paying for my next flight there! Or paying for the other traveling I'll be doing this summer...Oh, and that also meant that I flew first class on the way there. It was a struggle, but I made it work!
Okay, there are more stories to tell, but I'm still a little (or a lot) tired, so I'm heading off to bed!
Love!
Sara
One bonus of the trip was that I got to take a bump on my flight into El Salvador, which means that I'm over half way to paying for my next flight there! Or paying for the other traveling I'll be doing this summer...Oh, and that also meant that I flew first class on the way there. It was a struggle, but I made it work!
Okay, there are more stories to tell, but I'm still a little (or a lot) tired, so I'm heading off to bed!
Love!
Sara
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Spring Break!
Oh, how I love Spring Break. I think it might be my favorite time of year. Well, honestly, it might just be my favorite time of year because I really want a break, and (starting tomorrow) I get one!
Early tomorrow morning, I head off to El Salvador. Beautiful, mountainous, tropical El Salvador. Home of pupusas, volcanoes, and some of the sweetest children you will ever meet. If my tone doesn't imply it clearly enough, I am all kinds of excited about going to El Salvador.
And, while I'm totally excited about going, I do know that this is a bit of a dangerous time to be heading there. The national election takes place on Sunday, March 15, and this is a big election year. And, in a big election year, you never quite know what the outcome of the election will mean for safety. Anyways, feel free to pray for me while I'm there! And pray for the kids too; they are amazing.
Much love,
Sara
Early tomorrow morning, I head off to El Salvador. Beautiful, mountainous, tropical El Salvador. Home of pupusas, volcanoes, and some of the sweetest children you will ever meet. If my tone doesn't imply it clearly enough, I am all kinds of excited about going to El Salvador.
And, while I'm totally excited about going, I do know that this is a bit of a dangerous time to be heading there. The national election takes place on Sunday, March 15, and this is a big election year. And, in a big election year, you never quite know what the outcome of the election will mean for safety. Anyways, feel free to pray for me while I'm there! And pray for the kids too; they are amazing.
Much love,
Sara
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Maybe I don't want to grow up. Maybe that's okay.
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child" (1 Corinthians 13:11).
Honestly, I've never given much thought to this verse. It's always just seemed like part of the extra stuff that follows the really good verses about love. Those love verses are good stuff, even if we're all tired out from having heard them at every wedding we've ever been to. But I, with my all too finite knowledge of theology, have generally read the eleventh verse of this chapter as saying "Grow up, already!" I'm not much of a theologian.
There's got to be a more serious meaning, something far more profound and deep. I'm sure of it, even if I don't know it. That's faith, folks. ;)
Anyways, I was thinking of this verse just a bit ago, mainly because it got me thinking about the kind of faith and spirituality that children have. They have such a pure, unquestioning faith, and it's beautiful to see. It made me think that, though in many ways we do have to grow up and do have to put away the things of a child, perhaps the faith of a child is something we should fight our hardest to keep. Sometimes it feels as if we spend so much of our adult lives trying to recapture the depth of faith we had when we were small, as if it is that fullness of faith that we always long for. Maybe that is the one thing we should never put away, no matter how old we get.
Love,
Sara
[Side note: Seriously, folks, there's a lot of good stuff in the Bible, a lot of great stuff even. And there is tons of stuff about love. After all, God is love. So, if you're planning a wedding, be original. Don't go with Corinthians. Try Esther or Ruth. Scandalize the whole church and go with Song of Songs. :) Just, please no more 1 Corinthians 13. Props to Katy and Joe for choosing Hosea. And to Nicole and Anton, whose readings I can't remember, even if I remember so clearly thinking, "That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."]
Honestly, I've never given much thought to this verse. It's always just seemed like part of the extra stuff that follows the really good verses about love. Those love verses are good stuff, even if we're all tired out from having heard them at every wedding we've ever been to. But I, with my all too finite knowledge of theology, have generally read the eleventh verse of this chapter as saying "Grow up, already!" I'm not much of a theologian.
There's got to be a more serious meaning, something far more profound and deep. I'm sure of it, even if I don't know it. That's faith, folks. ;)
Anyways, I was thinking of this verse just a bit ago, mainly because it got me thinking about the kind of faith and spirituality that children have. They have such a pure, unquestioning faith, and it's beautiful to see. It made me think that, though in many ways we do have to grow up and do have to put away the things of a child, perhaps the faith of a child is something we should fight our hardest to keep. Sometimes it feels as if we spend so much of our adult lives trying to recapture the depth of faith we had when we were small, as if it is that fullness of faith that we always long for. Maybe that is the one thing we should never put away, no matter how old we get.
Love,
Sara
[Side note: Seriously, folks, there's a lot of good stuff in the Bible, a lot of great stuff even. And there is tons of stuff about love. After all, God is love. So, if you're planning a wedding, be original. Don't go with Corinthians. Try Esther or Ruth. Scandalize the whole church and go with Song of Songs. :) Just, please no more 1 Corinthians 13. Props to Katy and Joe for choosing Hosea. And to Nicole and Anton, whose readings I can't remember, even if I remember so clearly thinking, "That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."]
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Making Sense of Love
Sometimes I get emails from David, the orphanage director's son in El Salvador. David is 18, studying to be a lawyer. He's lived most of his life with the many children his father would find on the streets of El Salvador, children abandoned and with no other place to go. Children who find love with this family.
David always tells me that he is praying for me and my family, for my church. Each year we take presents to the kids in El Salvador. The other day, David asked me, "Do you know who sent my present? And who is helping to pay for my university? I just need to know for my prayers."
And, let me be honest. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to me, the kind of faith that David has, the kind of desire he has to pray for others.
Often I think of the children in El Salvador. Their faces come to me like snapshots. I see Saul before he goes to bed, wanting to hear a story. I see Vanessa washing clothes. I see Javier being silly because he's young and loves attention.
And sometimes the thought that comes to my head is, "So which one would you choose?"
And maybe now it seems like the thought going through my head is a good one. And maybe now it seems like I'm wondering which child I'd bring home if I could.
But that's not it.
Let me speak plainly.
Let me be practical.
Let me be sensible.
Abortion is illegal in El Salvador. And, let me also be honest; the legality or illegality of abortion is to me, even now, pretty much a non-issue. Though I believe strongly in legislation that protects and affirms the sanctity of life, I understand that illegality doesn't mean that abortions won't happen; in any work I do that is pro-life, my only real concern is that women and men know that they are loved, that they have other options, that they won't be judged, that they have a community that will care for them. Those things don't change, whether abortion is legal or illegal.
That said, abortion is illegal in El Salvador. El Salvador is the poorest country in Central America, and the number of children who are homeless, without parents, and abandoned is staggering. In Soyapango, children roam the streets at night--some in gangs, some on drugs, some prostituting.
A few years ago, it occurred to me that there was something lacking in the logic of pro-lifers who seemed unable to see a connection between the unavailability of abortion and the fact that there were so many unwanted and neglected children. Surely, they must understand that, were abortion legal and readily available, there might be some decrease in the number of homeless children, that there might be some movement toward every child being a wanted child.
But, this connection wasn't being made. And it didn't make sense.
If I was to be practical, I had to admit that there was something amiss in the logic of pro-lifers who didn't make that connection. Again, I'm just speaking plainly. I'm just being practical. I'm just being sensible. I, even a few years ago, would have admitted that I thought abortion wasn't a good thing. It's certainly not something that we want to happen. But, as I thought of this connection a few years ago, I had to think that sometimes good can come of even those things we think of as bad. Maybe there is such a thing as a necessary evil.
Fast forward a couple of years.
I'm making cookies and bread with David. Javier comes by to look sweetly at us and hope we'll be nice enough to give him a cookie. Vanessa is still washing the clothes and hanging some up to dry. Saul is asking for a story.
And, the thought goes around in my head again. So, just choose one. If quality of life is an issue, if poverty or ill health prevent that quality of life from being what it could be under better circumstances, if the option is no longer illegal but readily available. Then just choose one.
But, I can't. I can't because I know them. I can't because I love them. I can't because I now understand that our collective poverty is so much more if just one of those children is not here. I can't because, though it sometimes seems that there is so little love in the world, I know that, because of these children, there is so much more love than there would be without them. I can't because I have some hope that their love, so pure and unselfish, is the only kind of love that saves us. I can't because, in each of their faces, I see Christ.
And, it doesn't make sense. But it is love.
David always tells me that he is praying for me and my family, for my church. Each year we take presents to the kids in El Salvador. The other day, David asked me, "Do you know who sent my present? And who is helping to pay for my university? I just need to know for my prayers."
And, let me be honest. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to me, the kind of faith that David has, the kind of desire he has to pray for others.
Often I think of the children in El Salvador. Their faces come to me like snapshots. I see Saul before he goes to bed, wanting to hear a story. I see Vanessa washing clothes. I see Javier being silly because he's young and loves attention.
And sometimes the thought that comes to my head is, "So which one would you choose?"
And maybe now it seems like the thought going through my head is a good one. And maybe now it seems like I'm wondering which child I'd bring home if I could.
But that's not it.
Let me speak plainly.
Let me be practical.
Let me be sensible.
Abortion is illegal in El Salvador. And, let me also be honest; the legality or illegality of abortion is to me, even now, pretty much a non-issue. Though I believe strongly in legislation that protects and affirms the sanctity of life, I understand that illegality doesn't mean that abortions won't happen; in any work I do that is pro-life, my only real concern is that women and men know that they are loved, that they have other options, that they won't be judged, that they have a community that will care for them. Those things don't change, whether abortion is legal or illegal.
That said, abortion is illegal in El Salvador. El Salvador is the poorest country in Central America, and the number of children who are homeless, without parents, and abandoned is staggering. In Soyapango, children roam the streets at night--some in gangs, some on drugs, some prostituting.
A few years ago, it occurred to me that there was something lacking in the logic of pro-lifers who seemed unable to see a connection between the unavailability of abortion and the fact that there were so many unwanted and neglected children. Surely, they must understand that, were abortion legal and readily available, there might be some decrease in the number of homeless children, that there might be some movement toward every child being a wanted child.
But, this connection wasn't being made. And it didn't make sense.
If I was to be practical, I had to admit that there was something amiss in the logic of pro-lifers who didn't make that connection. Again, I'm just speaking plainly. I'm just being practical. I'm just being sensible. I, even a few years ago, would have admitted that I thought abortion wasn't a good thing. It's certainly not something that we want to happen. But, as I thought of this connection a few years ago, I had to think that sometimes good can come of even those things we think of as bad. Maybe there is such a thing as a necessary evil.
Fast forward a couple of years.
I'm making cookies and bread with David. Javier comes by to look sweetly at us and hope we'll be nice enough to give him a cookie. Vanessa is still washing the clothes and hanging some up to dry. Saul is asking for a story.
And, the thought goes around in my head again. So, just choose one. If quality of life is an issue, if poverty or ill health prevent that quality of life from being what it could be under better circumstances, if the option is no longer illegal but readily available. Then just choose one.
But, I can't. I can't because I know them. I can't because I love them. I can't because I now understand that our collective poverty is so much more if just one of those children is not here. I can't because, though it sometimes seems that there is so little love in the world, I know that, because of these children, there is so much more love than there would be without them. I can't because I have some hope that their love, so pure and unselfish, is the only kind of love that saves us. I can't because, in each of their faces, I see Christ.
And, it doesn't make sense. But it is love.
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